My Honest Book Reviews [CLOSED]

The Butterfly

Cover: 6/10

Genre: Short Story

Rating: M

Chapters Read: 3

Summary:

This is a dark and lonely romantic psychological stageplay looking at the mind of an individual with nothing but herself. Thank you for reading.

Thoughts:

So this is actually a first for me. I've never reviewed a stage play or anything similar to that. Don't worry though, I can probably still pick it apart as well as any other book.

Right off the bat, the structure seems interesting. Judging by the content of the first chapter, it seems to me that it's deliberate. I actually don't mind the way the dialogue and the stage directions (?) are formatted; they're compatible with this story's largely introspective nature.

Despite that, there was one glaring problem: the author failed to clarify whether or not certain dialogues were within Maya's head or whether or not they were spoken. Some thoughts appeared as italicized while others were formatted as "dialogue", which was confusing at times. Author, please fix this. Simple mistakes like these will make it difficult for readers to enjoy your story.

Regarding grammar, syntax, and vocabulary, this story isn't bad at all. Spelling errors are practically nonexistent and the author definitely consulted a thesaurus; serious (and sometimes successful) attempts at vivid descriptions were made throughout the three chapters I read. In the first chapter, the author hit me with a fat paragraph describing Maya's tumultuous inner feelings in opposition to her orderly surroundings. I appreciated it and it certainly wasn't a wasted attempt. I was able to get at least a vague feel for who Maya was and what her environment was like.

Where the writing stumbles is also in the same area, ironically. This author isn't the most well-versed when it comes to diction and it shows. Certain word choices are made, especially in the segments that are the most verbose, that I believe hurt my experience reading this story. I'm aware that my standards and tastes are different than most other Wattpad users, so it may just be a personal problem. But this whole review is my opinion, so who gives?

Phrases like "flowers delicately smothered a desk behind the couch" and "completely lathered in a silk veneer" do not paint the images that the author is trying to portray. The words don't flow together and fail to add any descriptive value to the sentences before them.  They're incompatible. I would, for example, take out the "delicately smothered" part in the former phrase and instead write "flowers crowded a desk behind the couch." Less words were used, sure, but more words does not necessarily mean a better reading experience. If you can achieve the same thing with less words, please do so. It's only one sentence in a rather large paragraph. No reader is ever going to be bothered by the lack of extra words in an inconsequential sentence like that.

Regarding Maya herself, she wasn't bad. I sort of sympathized with her problems and I felt bad for the struggles she faced. Her pain and insecurities were at least somewhat realized. However, I feel as though the author could have delved deeper into Maya. Not that her problems aren't valid, but I certainly didn't feel enough of an attachment to her to care much.

Only a few parts of her life were explored (dating life, loneliness, pain), pretty much completely disregarding any of her other attributes. Furthermore, there wasn't enough content in the chapters I read to even include any of this. She didn't feel like a person who had interests, hobbies, strengths, vulnerabilities, etc., so she didn't come across as much of a person. I skimmed through the other chapters and I noticed that this problem was never resolved. It would be interesting to read about her past and how she became the person she is.

Overall Rating:

5/10

Note to cllphn

Your story wasn't bad, but it does need a lot of revising. Your character development is lacking and your prose can be excessive at times. Remember that sometimes simpler is better. I can tell you're a talented writer who's coming into their own, but you can still improve leaps and bounds. I suggest reading more stage plays or literary novels and studying them for techniques you can apply to your own writing.

Next Story:

As I Grew