My Past Memories

Flash Flood of Memories

I woke up to my alarm blaring; 9 in the morning as always. Sadly, it's time for school. We used to wake up at 7:45 together, I groaned each morning but you smiled at me and helped me up anyway. I silenced the alarm but it went off again at 9:30, and again at 9:45. Finally, 9:51, I woke up.

My room was bland and messy, I've grown used to it though. Glancing over at my pack of cigarettes, a wave of emotion flooded my sleepy brain. I sigh, and reach for it. As I'm sitting up in my bed, I lean against my makeshift headboard; the wall. Grabbing a lighter, I open my pack and pull out a cigarette; it was next to my lucky. I was so used to having one ready for me every dreaded morning, except I got to wake up to something that wasn't so bland - those god damn blue eyes. I spark up the cigarette, and get out of bed. Immediately, I walk to the bathroom just looking at myself in the mirror. Why do I look so sad? I'm not sure, either way I stand there, watching myself smoke for a moment. Oh, how I love the way smoke escapes from behind my lips. I always did admire how it escaped from behind yours, how calming it was to physically see your breath.

I can never finish a cigarette in the morning anymore, so I turn the faucet on and listen to the cherry sizzle until it dies out. After throwing the cigarette filter away, I cup my hands together, fill them with cold water and quickly splash my face. I do this a couple times, until the cold begins to hurt the backs of my eyes. I couldn't tell if I was crying or not when I did this. After drying my face, I return to my bedroom. I looked around again; still so empty. I walked to my closet, and picked out some shirt that didn't completely make me look like a bum. I do the same with pants. 

I have 10 minutes before I'm late to class, so I pack my things up and walk downstairs. At the bottom of the steps, I take a left into the kitchen; flash backs of us stoned, trying not to laugh while we search for food at midnight engulf me. You know, those nights I never knew if my mother was awake or not, but at the time I didn't care. In those moments, I was in complete bliss. I shake my head, a frown forces its way to my lips. I have to block you out.

After fully entering the kitchen, I heard my dog jump down off of my mothers bed. He ran up to me, wagging his tail. I give him a small smile, and reach for the bag of treats off the top of my fridge. After tossing him a small one, I open the fridge and grab a bottled water. Walking to the sink, I focus on my pill bottles. Opening all three prescriptions, I sigh, but take each one. Its still so hard to swallow them. Taking a deep breath, put my headphones in. I throw my pup one more treat and walk out the door, locking it behind me. Finally, I'm on my way to school.

At least now I'll be distracted for a little bit, but you never fail to come back.