March 8th, 11:37pm
I started rereading our old messages. I scrolled as far up as I could.
I want to message you so badly right now. Its not because I need you, its actually the opposite.
I want to tell you everything good thats been happening.
How I got a raise, employee of the month. I want to tell you that my best friend moved in, and we're about to start meal preping and going to the gym. I finished my court ordered driving test, and the community service. I want to hear your opinion on everything, if you're proud that I'm finally getting shit done.
I know when we were talking I was growing up and getting shit done too, but maybe this time it'll make you even prouder than before.
Maybe it'll bring you back.
I dont want you back
(come back)
I do want you back
(please leave)
God dammit why can't I decide
I dont need you. I never needed you but god damn the longer we go without talking, the worse I feel because I didnt realize how intensely you effected my life. I didnt realize that you miss the ones you tell the good things to more than the ones you complain to.
I started talking to a guy. He's actually the sweetest person I've ever met. He helped pick me up through all of the shit you left me for. He helped me with my community service, and insurance for a my license. He listened to me explain everything, and all he did was look at me and smile.
"How can I help?"
How can I fucking help?
Wasn't that supposed to be your fucking line? Weren't you the one who was supposed to be there for me and support me through this?
I do not need you.
I have to remind myself that I dont need you, every single day.
Now I'm gonna break this guys heart because you're echoing in the back of my head with every conversation I have with him.
I see your eyes when I look into his.
Isn't that horrible?
I can't even have sex. I will never feel better than the day I fucked you, because even though you didn't touch me, the emotional connection got me off more than anyone ever had in my entire life.
So whats the god damn point?
I'll just feel even more lonely than I already do.
Im not with you anymore.
I dont text you.
We aren't friends on any type of app.
you're
just
gone
that's it
you're gone
YOU ARE READING
My Past Memories
Short StoryWho are you when you're desperate enough to find love in anything? Different times, different people. Not entirely sure what to call this "book" but every piece is a day with someone or my personal feelings with them at the time.
