The Price of Love (Boyxboy)

20

alex p.o.v.

I don't know why I did it. I honestly had no idea what came over me. All I know is that for some reason, I wanted Dean more than anyone else in existence.

But I had only pushed him away.

I banged my head continuously against the large wooden post on the porch. Maybe I would get amnesia and be able to forget any of this ever happened. After all, I was still straight.

At least I thought I was.

I groaned, my drunken haze wearing off by the minute. I guess it was better - now I wouldn't have a killer headache when I woke up in the morning.

I planned to stay outside until I was sure Dean had gone to bed, but I started to shiver in the cold air. I had been an idiot and forgotten to bring a jacket with me to the party, so I only managed to stay outside a little longer before relenting and pushing through the door into the warm cabin. I didn't hear any sounds from the bedroom, which I took to be a good sign - unless Dean was still awake and waiting to ignore me some more.

I wandered into the kitchen, trying not to think about him for a second. It didn't help. I got into the kitchen and immediately saw the table where he had ordered me to take my shirt off. I paused for a second.

Why had he wanted me to take my shirt off?

I thought back to on the porch, wincing as I remembered how I forced myself on him. He was wrong - he hadn't been taking advantage of me, I had been taking advantage of him. I thought back to what he said afterwards.

'I thought you liked me!'

'I do!'

He said something after that, but my face grew warm now just thinking about what he had said. At first, the thought of Dean actually meaning that made me want to hurl. My next thought was something less along those lines. I shook my head, trying to clear my head. I grabbed a glass and poured myself some water. I gulped it down thirstily and sighed with relief. Something about alcohol left me feeling dehydrated.

I sighed and figured that maybe in the morning it would all be a bad dream. I walked cautiously into the bedroom and changed quickly into my sweats. I slowly got into the bed, being careful not to wake him up. He made a small noise, but I shrugged it off, figuring that he was just reacting to my movement and he would settle down soon.

I closed my eyes and had almost drifted off to sleep when he made another noise. This one sounded more like a whimper. Immediately, my eyes shot open, and I rolled over. I shook his shoulder, but he didn't respond.

"Dean!" I half-whispered. "Dean, wake up!"

Nothing seemed to be working. He seemed to be getting more and more distressed, and I knew that I had to wake him soon. The only thing I could think of was to wrap my arms tightly around his waist, holding him close so that his head was pressed against my chest, right underneath my chin. I shivered a little at our bare chests touching, but shrugged it off, focusing on Dean.

His whimpers subsided, but his face still looked strained. I unwrapped one arm from around him and brushed away the hair that had stuck to his forehead with sweat. He seemed to relax a little, so I moved my hand to the back of his head and tangled my fingers in his hair. A small smile spread across his face and he snuggled closer to me, the way he did this morning. I couldn't help but stare down at him, a slight smile overtaking my features.

I wondered what it would be like to do this if we were -

I immediately shut the thought out of my head, refusing to give any more attention to it. I wasn't gay, I reminded myself.