Chances of That

Bare My Soul

I couldn't believe I was only just realising it.

The feel of his lips ... the FAMILIAR, warm, soft feel of his lips.

How could I have been so stupid?

Of course he was Mr Mystery. Noone I'd just met could kiss me like they meant every breath, every movement towards me - like they loved me.

That's it. I have to go over there.

I have to tell him how I feel.

So with a massive smile on my face, I leapt down my stairs, 2 or 3 steps at a time, threw open my door and ran to The Harrison's house.

I let myself in and speed walked out to the pool.

I saw Josh standing laughing with the girl; it was Tracey from the cheerleading squad - the one that tried to overthrow me as head ... that bitch.

I shoved myself in between them and backed up so that Tracey was further behind me.

"Josh? Josh I have something I have to tell you." I started, ready to bare my soul to him.

"Hello? I'm standing right here?" Tracey sounded behind me.

Josh's face reflected the seriousness surrounding our conversation, "Sure thing Soph." and I saw him swallow hard.

I took a breath and tried to find the right words to say what was needed, "Josh? First of all, I know you didn't cheat on me with the french exchange student in the year below us."

Tracey snorted behind me, but yet again I ignored her, and so did Josh.

"I just want to tell you, that I realise that I was the one that ended it between us, but I think that now, I'm ready to give us another shot." His eyes widened in shock, but I continued, "We've both done alot of growing up this summer, and I think it's safe to say that we've both changed. I realise now that ... that you've always loved me, with a little help from some people close to me, I realised that you've always been there for me. You were there when Peter wasn't, throughout me whole life, and I wonder if I would've gotten through anything in my life without you there as my backbone. Thank you for everything you've done with me. Going to my father's grave with me numerous times, helping me out when I had fights with Olive, or with my mum. Listening to me babble on about how excited I was to get to see Peter, even when he wasn't coming home any time soon. Thank you for cheering me up when I was down, for taking me shopping last christmas when my car broke down, and having to endure that awful experience!" He let out a short chuckle.

"Hello? Josh you did invite me over here! Are you going to pay attention to me now?" Tracey tried to get his attention again, but apparently failed ... yet again.

"And I just think that now that you're wearing actual clothes and actually showing that you care for me - like not thinking that it's uncool to give me a birthday present unlike last year, I've realised that I really, really do love you! And I want to get back with you."

I breathed in for pretty much the first time during that monologue and saw a small smile slide its way onto Josh's face.

And then, without thinking, I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips.

It was only brief, but I think it got the message across, it definitely did for Tracey.

"UGH! Oh my god Josh. You told me you wanted me! What is wrong with you?!" And then she turned round and dived into the pool, away from us.

"Sophie." He said in quite a sympathetic voice, and I suddenly got the feeling of regret start to bubble in the pit of my stomach, "It's not that I don't feel the same ok?"

I didn't want to here this. My face dropped and I started to turn away with the intent of going home and throwing myself off of my roof! But he grabbed my arm.

"No Sophie, please hear me out. I just think that you think I've changed more than I actually have." I looked at him confused, was he trying to make me hate him again? "I just think that, when you have guys like Matt throwing themselves at your feet, you should give them a chance. He's so much better suited for you than I am and I just think that you'd be so so SO much happier in the long run. I mean, we broke up for a reason right?"

I just stood there staring at him, not really believing what he was saying to me.

Tears started to well up in my eyes. I'd just poured my heart and soul out to him and he just stamped on it.

"We broke up because I didn't realise what was happening. I've changed and so have you, but if you're just trying to make excuses I don't want to hear them."

He tried to stop me from walking away but this time I didn't let him and I broke into a run to escape him and slammed my front door in his face.

I ran upstairs and threw myself on my bed and began crying into my pillow.

After some time I decided fuck him. Fuck Josh. Fuck his excuses. He didn't want me, huh? Well fuck him. I'll find someone that wants me more.

Cue Matt.

********************************************

DING DONG

"Mum, I'm going on my date! I'll be back before 11 don't worry." I shout as I put on my black wedges at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ok, sweetie, see you later!" She shouts back.

I take one last look at myself before I leave and straighten out my bodycon black mini skirt and tuck in my red blouse a bit better.

I leave my house and walk over to Matt who's leaning on his car.

"Wow, Sophie you look ... You look ... Amaz .. Wonderf..." He couldn't seem to find the words so I smile at him.

"Thank you Matty!"

He opens the door for me and I realise that Josh was right, Matt is so much better for me, he's a sensible match for me, all my friends want to be with a guy like Matt, he respects me and makes me feel comfortable and at times, happy.

So why is it that whilst we drive to the restaurant, I can't stop thinking about Josh?