Chances of That

Heads or Tails

I sat in the restaurant and pretended like I was listening to whatever Matt was telling me.

I nodded in the right places and did a gasp when he expected me too, and I really, really did try to enjoy myself.

The food came and I carried on acting the same way as before, laughing, nodding, gasping. Matt seemed like he was having a really good time because he reached across the table and rested his hand on my hand.

This shocked me out of my stupor and I finally listened to what he was saying,

"And that's when I saw you! You were sitting under the tree in the field and Mark had said to me that you were hot and that you were a cheerleader but really really nice and I thought 'Nah, that's way too good to be true!' And then I got to know you and I was so shocked that you were so nice but so pretty and then you kissed me when we were drunk at that party and I was so happy! I couldn't believe that you liked me. And now you're actually on a date with me! You know when I told Mark, he didn't believe me. So, what actually made you say yes, Soph?" He finally stopped talking.

"Oh erm, you know, I just realised that you were, really good for me ... like sensible match and stuff." I tried to seem interested, and apparently, Matt was buying it, "So, tell me again how you got the courage to actually kiss me the first time at that party?"

And that was all I had to say .... He kept blabbering on and on and I just tried to eat my pasta with as little input as possible.

Matt continued to smile and laugh and tell even more stories at me.

And then I saw a mass of brown hair, wearing a white polo shirt ... Could it be Josh?

I stared and stared, people kept getting in my way so I had to keep ducking and weaving and trying to get a glimpse.

Turn around, turn around.

I started to stand up when he turned around.

It wasn't him, it was Mark.

"Oh hey Mark!" Matt shouted out through the restaurant and waved, Mark waved back.

"So anyways ... As I was saying ..." And Matt continued to chitter chatter.

"And then I killed their tribe leader and became Matt, the leader of the heebeejeebees!!"

"Oh wow! I can't believe that." I muttered, completely oblivious.

"Sophie? You're not listening to a word I'm saying are you?" He carried on.

"Uh huh, that sounds epic!" I continued ... stiiiiiiiill oblivious.

"Sooooooooophie?" Matt sung at me, "Sophie? I'm going to eat your food if you don't listen!"

That snapped me right out of it!

"Why would you eat my food?" I asked, feeling kind of hurt and offended.

"Sophie, I'm not dumb. I know you haven't been paying attention to me all night, so what's up?" He looked at me concerned.

I couldn't keep it from him.

"Arrrrrrrgh, I just feel like everything I thought and felt has just been completely blown out of the water, and now I don't know what to do because apparently when you offer your heart to someone they feel it's appropriate to stomp on it, punch it, stab it a gazillion times and then throw it right back in your face!" I ended my rant with heavy breathing and a surprisingly rabid feel about myself!

"Errrrmmm .... Sophie? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever!" Matt admitted.

"Oh it doesn't matter Matty. Let's just try and enjoy tonight, ok?" I sighed and got back to my pasta, ready to ignore everything that Matty was saying.

"Sophie, i can't enjoy this date when it's fake." His voice was flat and serious.

I experienced a huge wave of guilt, "Oh Matt, no this isn't fake I swear!" I tried to salvage it.

"Oh Sophie, you're not falling anyone! I know you don't want to be here with me, just admit it. Save me the embarrassment!" He hung his head slightly and looked ... Hurt!

I looked at Matt properly for the first time on this 'date'.

He looked upset, but beyond that, he had the most beautiful eyes, a really, really pale blue, and lovely light blonde hair. He was such a nice boy, so much nicer than Josh, or anyone for that matter.

He deserved better.

Like Josh told me I deserved better.

And then, it hit me.

He didn't not love me, I'd interpretted him wrong, he just wanted me to do better than him.

He thought he wasn't good enough for me, that it, I have to try again with Jo-.

"I just want you to know, you deserve better."

Matt's words hit hard and true.

Why were all the men in my life so noble and modest?

Why couldn't they just be like 'I like you, you like me, you're know MINE.'.

My head and my heart were so confused, so I reached into my purse and pulled out my fathers coin, and gave it to Matt.

"Flip it." I instructed him.

He did it without any questions.

Heads = I stay with Matt, the boy who deserves to get whatever he wants.

Tails = I leave now and try again with Josh.

Matt flipped it in the air, "It's heads." He told me.