Kenadee's Poems

sometimes

sometimes those thoughts creep into my mind.

sometimes i wonder if my family's lives would be better if i had never existed.

sometimes i wonder if my boyfriend wouldn't be so sad all the time if i had never encountered him in the first place.

sometimes i wonder if my best friend's life would be a little fuller and a little more riveting if i had walked right past her that day, thirteen years ago.

sometimes i wonder if my sister would be a little less uptight if i was never born to be her sister.

sometimes i wonder if i would be a little more happier if i had never lived to see the light of day before.

sometimes i wonder if god made me by accident, and gave me depression as an easy way to take me out of this world.

sometimes i wonder if i was never good enough though i thought i was, and that's why he destroyed me.

but then i remember;

all the time, my family reminds me of how imperative my being there is to keeping us who we are.

all the time, my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me and how happy i made him daily.

all the time, my best friend thanks me for being a shoulder to cry on and reminds me how my life isn't meaningless.

all the time, my sister protects me against the world's evil; as the best big sister should.

all the time, i catch myself having those little feelings of sunshine through the clouds- and i dwell on those sunshine feelings.

all the time, i know, god doesn't make people by accident; i have a purpose for this world. giving me depression was just him making me a stronger person.

all the time, i remember that i was too good for him and he felt emasculated. and that's why he destroyed me.

sometimes, i feel inferior and question my existence-

but all the time,

i feel strong, and realize that questioning is okay.