Kenadee's Poems

idk

i don't really know what to do with myself.
i don't know how to feel, even if i wanted to.
i don't know how to love, even though i want to so bad.
i don't know how to live, even though i am.
i don't know how to speak, even though i do it everyday.

i don't really know.

i don't know why you fell in love with me in the first place.
i don't know why you decided on me.
i don't know why you saw them, but your eyes drilled a hole in my soul.
i don't know how to close that hole.
to this day.

i don't know why you're here.
i don't know why you kiss me.
i don't know why you love me.
i don't know why you care about my weird mood swings and my isolation periods where i don't even bother to speak to you.
i don't know why you deal with my shit.
to this day.

i don't know why you started to feel different, after all this.
i don't know how to catch it.
i don't know how to fix it.
i don't know if you love my anymore.
i don't know if you'll let me help you.
i don't know if you even want to be here anymore.
i don't know if you feel trapped, because you're not.
i don't know why you stayed so long if all you were planning to do was fall out of love with me.
to this day.

i don't know what i did to cause this. 
i don't know how to make me better, cause i'm only better with you.
i don't know how to be nice to you anymore.
i don't know how to hold you anymore.
i don't know how to love you anymore.
i don't know how to touch you anymore.
i don't really know you, anymore.
to this day.

i don't know if you'll stay.
i don't know if i want you to.
(i do.)
i don't know how to keep you.
i don't know if it's worth it.
(it is.)
i don't know how to make you smile.
i don't know if i want to see it.
(i do.)
i don't know if you want to leave.
i don't really think it matters anymore.
(it does.)

i don't really know if you love me.
to this day.