Sleepless Nights

CHAPTER 7

Sometimes, I wish I was a better person. I feel like no matter what I do people always think I am up to no good. Even if it's my enemy I always have my respect towards them. I might hate certain people but I do know the good in those people. I won't hurt anyone intentionally. I feel like I am always mistaken. I am trying to be normal but it's not easy. I always put on the mask that i am strong but why can't anyone see, I am not as strong as I look. Probably, people judge me because of my past.

I am a human, normal one. Just like everyone else, although I know this is a peaceful world filled with cruel people I don't blame people for being so harsh towards each other but the innocent one deserves a chance too. Sometimes when I share some of my pain Sierra never talks until I am done talking. Everyone needs a listening ear and I can't imagine losing her. Not her. I cant afford to lose her at all. I hope God hears me.

I have another best friend, Kamilah, she initially wasn't close to me but time brought us closer and I just had to be her friend and we started having a bond and I can say she is my laughing buddy. I always make fun of her in a friendly way and gives her advice that I myself won't do or listen. Its been almost 5-6 years now.

I feel thankful that I have them in my life but you know whats sad? They are not near me and I don't want to burden them with my things all the time. I know I have my life and they have theirs but at times when they are not talking to me, I feel lost and disturb. They keep me every day going turn by turn but I cant be depending on them because I am part of their life and not their life.

Some point in time, I face my own pain on my own without having anyone besides me. Having no one to pick me up, would be terrible but I will do my best to keep me going. Tonight, I know I am going to cry again and it's going to be another sleepless night.