Sleepless Nights

CHAPTER 14

At times, I think about the decisions I made in life.  Are they the right ones? How am I getting better in life? I reflect on myself and it's sad that no one actually encouraged me to be a better person and make sure I am working towards my goals.  Its just really hurting.  Why cant I feel happy?

Happiness is priceless,  you cant buy happiness with money but these days thats how its like. Nowadays,  people being polite is considered a big deal. Wherelse its supposed to be the way people are towards each other. 

The truth is every one of us are emotionally hurting others, intentionally or unintentionally. It just happens and no one really cares.  Just so one can feel good,  trashing someone else is a sad thing to hear. We humans always want things in out way,  we dominated things and now human being.  A human being,  us being domimated by another human being. I feel that way,  being controlled like I was their property and I couldnt make decisions.  This sucks. I cant feel myself the way I used to feel.  I am slowly fading away. 

Every day, I am losing myself. All I am left is my body and I am already feeling useless.  This depresses thoughts of why do I have to continue being under control by someone all the time. Why cant I as a human being have my own rights?  Do I even have rights?

I lost everything in life and I am trying to find my happiness.  I dont want to depend on anyone to be happy.  I want this to happen naturally.  I started to believe in God recently and I always know its all obstacles,  trails and test. We cant get what we want without trying and I believe God knows my suffering.  Silently suffering in my own world.  Its no human thats going to help me, its god that will pick me up and I am sure, he will guide me. 

Because we humans can give up on each other, but God doesnt. He who sees the truth knowing how much his child is going through, he will be there always and forever.