It's A Brother Thing

Chapter 33: I'm Ruined

A/n so omg hi. like, I know I disappeared on y'all, but I am going through a phase where I don't want to write or read. So um, this chapter has been written for like, ever. But I never posted it because I was like....is this what I really want lol? But when I got back on Wattpad...I discovered that my book is at 2.60k views and is trending #500 something in ''mature themes" AND uhhh people are like voting and stuff. SHOOK AS FUCK. so I'm not even gonna read this chapter. I'm just gonna post it.

And I know no one cares but like I graduated high school w straight A's and I have an amazing boyfriend and I now work as a teacher assistant. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ and y'all, my bf is WILD. 👀
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As the scene unfolded before my eyes, I choked out a sob and turned my face into Jake's neck.

I demanded to see the video after discovering it was the reason Jake found out about Aaron. He begged me not to watch it, but I had to see. I had to know what Jakob saw. Had to know what level of pathetic he witnessed.

And as it played, I choked. I expected Aaron to throw me down. I expected him to fondle me. I expected him to hit me. I figured I'd probably see all of that. That's what I'm used to.

What I never expected, was for my own body to be penetrated. Without my knowledge. Without any sign of it ever having happened.

I'm not a virgin...

"He raped me." I sob, hiding my face, shaking. Terrified. "I'm disgusting. I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm ruined forever."

"Simon, please don't say that. You're still so perfect." He cries too, holding me so tight.

"How...how can you still touch me!" I freak out. My body feels dirty. I can feel the dirt all over me. I can feel his slimy fingerprints. My insides even throb.

I throw myself from Jakob's lap, and crash-land onto the floor. "I'm so disgusting."

I shake with rage. My body isn't okay. It's a terrible body. "I hate these curves! I hate my eyes! I hate my hair! It ruined everything for me!"

"Simon stop!" Jake growls when I start clawing at my own skin. I scream when he wrenches my hands away and pins them to the floor.

"Get away Jake! I have to get rid of it. Of me!"

When I open my eyes, grey ones peer back at me, sick amusement shining in their depths. No! No, no, no, no! It's Aaron. He's back! He's going to rape me!

"Get off!" I scream. "You fucking rapist! Get off me!"

"Simon, it's me Jake!" He taunts, sneering in my face. I try to throw my fists against him wherever I can, screaming and kicking.

"No you're not! Get away! Get away!"

"Look at me, Simon!"

I open my eyes again and break when it really is Jake. His lip bleeds as he looks hard into my eyes. "It's me."

"Jakob," I whisper, letting myself go limp to show him that I won't fight anymore. I close my eyes, turning my face away as he continues his harsh stare.

"Are you going to try and hurt yourself again?"

I shake my head, crying so hard, no sound comes out. He reluctantly lets my wrists go and stops straddling me to kneel beside me instead.

I curl into myself, sobbing. "I'm ruined."

How can Jake love me now? My body isn't pure and innocent like he always thought. Like I always thought. I knew that as long as Aaron never penetrated me, I could still be clean. I was counting on it.