Dear Diary

Part 30 - Failure

8-14-18

Sorry guys for taking a long while to update anything. Ive had a very busy summer.

So i got a car in March. A 2015 Chevy Equinox. I love this thing, its so roomy and it is just the best car, i love it. It was a graduation present from my parents.

In April, about a month after, i got to go to All Star, a music gatheeing for band, where small schools could get together and create a big enoigh band to play songs that we small time schools cant normally play on our own. The entire band didnt come with me, i was the only one that got to go.

During the weekend of All Star, my dad crashed my moms car. I didnt know about the accident until after i got home, two days later. Mom didnt tell me because she didnt want me worrying about something when i was focusing on something else. She did the same thing when my grandma died too.

But dad crashed her car. He had a seizure behind the wheel. He was at the ATM at the bank when he seized, so his arm was out the window. I thonk was was just getting ready to leave or he is one of those people who dont put the car in park, but because he seized, he ended up pressing the gas pedal all the way down. Because he was in the camero, he gathhered up speed and hit the light pole about 100 feet away at a very high speed.

He is fine, just currently has a busted arm, and the car got totaled. Mom got a new one,  a 2017 silver camero. I dont quite like it. She had a 2012 yellow camero. Basically, she had Bumblebee, just without the stripes.

He is looking at about a year minimum out of work befire his arm is healed enough to work.

I graduated in May. I am finally out of high school. And life has slowly become hell but it has its good points.

As another present for graduation, me, my parents, and some family friends of ours, all went to Disneyworld in Florida.

Dude, Orlando was so fucking hot and humid, like, Arkansas doesnt even get close. But we spent an entire week going through all four parks (and we also went to Blizzard Beach) and it was awesome. Personally, my favorite park was Epcot, but i also love culture anyways.

But its about what you would expect. Lots of rides, lots of food, lots of walking, so i wont go into detail about Disneyworld.

I come back home, and i find out that the resturaunt i worked at fired me. Instead of telling me whats up, they just stopped scheduling me. So i left, and i stayed home for a bit.

A couple weeks later, josh said he got a temporary job at a fireworks stand so he needed a ride. The whole car situation for joshs family sucks, so i drive him for a bit. I ended up getting a job at the fireworks stand as well so that happened.

About a week into the job, my best friend Justine comes down for the rest of the summer. As fun as it was to habe her around, we did argue quite a bit, and it felt so bad. It almost feels like she is getting different interests and just finding better friends and not really enjoying my presence as much anymore. I dont  really know how to explain it.

There was just a lot of little things that she snapped at me for and it just made me feel really bad, almost like i just wasnt good enough for her anymore.

But, other than the many arguments we had, we did still have a lot of fun. She met josh, and i cant express how happy i am that these two like each other and approve of each other. Although now josh has someone to talk to whenever he wants to mess with me, which isnt good.

Josh then left for the summer about a week after justine arrived. He went to go visit family so i didnt get to see him the entire summer. He came back on the 3rd, which was our 11 month anniversary.

Dad finally said yes to me staying the night at joshs house. AFTER AN ENTIRE YEAR OF DATING, HE FINALLY SAID YES

About a week after Josh left to go north, i applied at a pizza resturaunt as a waitress. I basically got the job right away and i had to start the next day. I had the job for about a month. The last two weeks, my job performance was slowly declining. It wasnt intentional, because i tried. But i apparently had tables request that i wasnt to be their waitress again, and i screwed up tickets a couple more times than i normally did. We figured out that i was taking on too many tables at a time for me to be working efficiently. So we limited my tables to 2 tops only - tables where there were only two people. The last straw however was partially my fault.

A customer paid for their food, but i never saw their ticket up at the register at all. I looked and i even asked the kitchen if the ticket was still in there. It wasnt, so i just rewrote the ticket. They paid and they left. One of the other waitresses calls me over some time later and holds up the original, saying that they never paid, because the copy of the reciept that we get wasnt stapled on there. At this point, i literally didnt even remember the table or anything. I didnt remember that i had rung them up or that i rewrote the ticket.

It was an order that was called in, which meant that the customers phone number was on it. My boss called the number while i was on my lunch break. The customer told my boss what happened and whatnot.

How my boss put it, was that she called up the customer to tell them that they didnt pay (which they did). This offended the customer and embarrassed my boss. Putting it that way sounds bad. But i had honestly forgotten that i had done all that. But that was the last straw for her.

So i got fired on the spot.

I ended up leaving and spending the rest of the day at joshs house. I was crying so hard that i actually had to stop driving so i could breathe and get air. For the day and the day after i had extreme low self esteem, and its still here, just not as strong. I felt like an absolute failure, and for a while, i was just absolutely depressed.

I still feel like a failure, but then again, im only 18 years old, almost 19, just starting college, so its only expected that i have severe mood swings because im still learning and that now im pressured to become a full adult, yada yada yada.

Anyways, i just wanted to update this to catch you guys up, and to rant about me getting fired.

Words of advice: try your best, but dont try too hard. Dont overburden yourself because that causes you to stress and lose your good work performance.

Anyways, i guess it is time for me to go and continue stressing about life. Bye guys.

- Sam