I spend so much time bottling it up,
Making shitty excuses
Everyone seems to gobble them up.
Believing every word,
I don't even have to try anymore.
They just turn a blind eye
Refusing to believe that I could do that.
That I'm 'one of those people.'
It's hard,
Living like this.
I put on my brave face.
Acting confident,
Acting strong.
But I'm drowning.
The darkness is up to my neck.
By the time that someone who cares reads this.
It'll be threatening to spill over my lips.
And the cool liquid will sink into my lungs.
My lungs that are already denied the oxygen
I so desperately need.
Maybe if I just stop trying to tread water,
If I just sink my head below the surface.
Maybe it would be easier.
Finally some peace.
Rest from my aching muscles.
Relief from the burning
That the darkness sets into my bones.
Maybe it would be easier.
No, not maybe.
It would be easier.
Much, much easier.
But I have to keep fighting.
If I gave up,
I have a feeling it would be much worse
Much worse than anything I am feeling now.
Not that anyone's noticed.
