Chapter 1

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It was a cool autumn day for northeastern Indiana. Well, I'm not sure if I should say cool, it  was the warmest I can ever remember the middle of November being, but it was by no means warm. A crisp November breeze blew my long golden curls wildly in the wind. The swing set I sat on creaked as the breeze blew the rusty chain swings back and forth ever so slightly. A storm was coming and I knew it. The clouds were dark and the bird’s songs seemed to be as sorrowful as death. I just sat there in the vacant park on the old creaky swing set and watched the leaves dance. I was slowly being drowned by my own thoughts; they were anchors chained to my legs pulling me down deeper into my thoughts.

The world was a colorful blur. A beautiful, yet sad blur. The leaves swirled and twirled, twisted and turned. The oranges mixed with the yellows, browns, and reds. It was absolutely magical in the saddest way, because they would eventually hit the ground and be forced to stop their dance. Everything had to end at some point, no matter how hard you tried to stop it from happening; no matter how much you wanted to keep it, everything slowly ends. The world seemed torn, just like me, wanting peace, but also wanting to let out the anger it was holding in.

Bzz! Bzz! I looked down at my vibrating phone to see a text from my boyfriend of fourteen months, Drew.

New message from Drew:

Where u @ r u ok?! Whats goin on?! Text me back ASAP! I'm worried about u babe

Received at 2:36pm

I let a single salty tear roll down my cheek. Everyone else in the world was absolutely oblivious to my feelings - my parents probably don't even know that I left, but not Drew. He's not perfect, but he's as close to it as anyone could ever get, he knows when I'm actually upset. I can lie to the rest of the world, but Drew somehow manages to see right past the lies that I tell him. I don't even have to tell him when I'm upset, it's like he's just knows. He knows my deepest secrets, and he knows my every wish, hope, dream, and desire for the future. But now, I'm starting to question everything I thought I knew. I'm starting to question if life will be okay. Does Drew really care for me, or is he lying like everyone else? What's going to happen in the future? Will Drew stay with me, or will he leave me as soon as he gets a chance?

New message from Kriss:

No I'm not ok, I'm crying and everything hurts so freaking bad babe!!! I want it to stop! I can't handle all of this! Life just... It sucks.

Sent at 2:37pm

I sat there and I cried no one but Drew and I came to this park, so I knew that no one would see me. Even if someone did see me I'm too drained, physically and mentally, to do anything about it. I waited for him to reply to send me some sort of sign that he cares about me. One minute, two, three, finally it had been fifteen minutes and still no text. I put the phone back in my pocket, only crying harder. I sat there letting the warm tears roll down my cheeks, and letting out everything I'd been holding in. Maybe Drew wasn't perfect; maybe he got tired of my drama too.

"Hey, what's wrong, beautiful?" I heard the familiar deep voice of my one true love coming up behind me.

"Hey," I said hoarsely wiping tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie; it was actually a hoodie that Drew had given me on our third date together.

"Come on. Kriss, what's wrong? A beautiful girl like you should never be this upset, now please tell me what's upsetting you? I want to help you." He took ahold of my hand and squeezed it tightly. As if he were afraid to let go. As if he were worried that if he did let go, I would slip away from him. As if he would lose me for good.

"Why does it even matter why I'm so sad? No one cares anyway! Hell, mom and dad probably don't even know that I left! I don't matter in this world! Everything would be so much better if I was never even born."

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