Bruised&broken (Jalex)

Funny how it rained all day.

It's fucking pouring rain outside an it's ironic as fuck cause it suits my mood. I got a call from my dad three hours ago saying my mom was hospitalized; she couldn't breath. Said she had fluid in her lungs. They tried to drain it. Tried. An hour after the first call, I got another one from the hospital this time, a doctor saying that my mom has passed. My dad was too heartbroken to tell me himself.

I just can't even fathom what my father is going through. I know he is having it worse then me. They we best friends when they were younger and high school sweet hearts. They've known each other for forever. Yes, I'm going through hell too, I just know that he's suffering more.

I cried all my tears the first hour and lost my lunch the next. I couldn't cry anymore, I just convulsed and screamed. The nurses here tried to comfort me but it wasn't working. Alex didn't work today so I wouldn't see him until Monday. Today is Saturday. Seeing as no one could take me out of this place so I could see my dad, I wouldn't see him until I asked Alex to take me. I don't think my dad is fit for anything except grieving right now. I was the same. One if the nurses who was a regular care taker of me came in my room.

"Hi Linda." I put on a faux smile but she saw right through it. I liked Linda. She was kind and caring. She actually gave a damn about her patients.

"Jack, honey," she spoke in a quiet voice, one that you would speak to small children with. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love. Can I see your hand?" I was reluctant to give it to her seeing as it was crawling with gems from my snot because I was crying so hard. I did it anyways. She placed my hand on her lower tummy and continued. "One month into the pregnacy, I felt cramps. I knew as a nurse that, that wasn't good. I took myself to the hospital because my husband was at work. the same hour I got there was the same hour that I lost my baby. I cried for days, weeks even. I may have not even seen that child but I knew I loved him or her or whatever it'd want to be classified as, but I knew I couldn't sit around my entire life because I knew that things happen for a reason. Maybe it's to make them tougher or to show them that life isn't always fair but think of the good things in life, I though of my husband and he was my rock. He got me through this hard time even though I knew he was in pain from the loss of our child. Since I'm your dedicated nurse jack, I know who you've been leaving the center with and Alex is a good person. We may have only talked once or twice but I know he'll help you get through this. Maybe your guy's love will power you through this rough time in your life, but know I have a two year old who's love gets me through the depression I fall into when ever I think of that baby or the day I lost it comes around. Maybe Alex will love you through this time. Trust me jack when I tell you that things get better. " I was crying still but I knew it to be true. She gave me my hand back and got up. She placed her hand on my shoulder then she left.

She helped me realize that I wasn't in this alone. Alex would help me through it but I know he'd be affected by this. He saw my mom and his second mom before. He'll be shattered but we'll get through this together. Hopefully.

~~~~~~~~~~
I don't even know where this chapter came from. Though I mean every word of what the nurse said. Things get better and I decided to write about death because I recently attempted my own life and my grandmother is in the hospital and it just gave me a way to cope. Things got happier with me but every know and then a depression relapse happened but things are looking up for me still. If you ever need to talk to me just shoot me a message or try my twitter because I don't get notifications with messages on here so my twitter is @jagkallltimelow the same as this username. Also my tumblr is a good place and that is
I-did-you-for-baltimore.tumblr.com
Happy reading:)