Wingless, book 1 of Wingless Series

Sorry is for losers

I can't believe it's morning. I didn't sleep. I tossed and turned and cried all night.

Evan isn't there when I wake up. My rage was enough to scare him away. I am nothing like my family when it comes to my feelings. I can't keep mine hidden, probably why they paid for all the therapy.

I finally show myself, and I am embarrassed. I don't know what to expect. I was able to get a lot off of my chest.

Maybe Marcus was right. Maybe being upset over timing is stupid. I'm not sure. He said she is fine. And even if it was a dream it was more than I ever heard from him in years. I believe it, I want to communicate with my brother. What is there to lose?

I know that Grim reapers are real. The sky is the limit as far as I am concerned. Anything is possible.

I peel an orange at the kitchen table. The house is quiet. I know the maid has been here because orange pine sol is still in the air.

Evan comes in the door, he has bags in his hands. He seems surprised that I am awake. I can't look at him so I keep my eyes on my handiwork with my orange peels.

He leaves the room without saying a word. And I'm a little disappointed that he won't talk to me.

What is he supposed to say? I attacked him last night. He probably wants nothing to do with me. I sigh and drop my orange on the table.

Life is boring without Evan.

I move on to my phone. There are fifteen missed calls. All from my family, they know what has happened. And I know they want to know that I am okay.

Chad probably told Gray he saw me at the party last night. I don't want to call. I don't want them to pull me back into that horrible misery from last night. Because right now I am okay, so I force myself to text my dad and tell him that I am okay and that I know about Vanessa. I tell him that I don't want to deal with it. That I know it will bring me into the dark place I was when Marcus died and I can't go there. I reassure him that I am fine. And I send it.

Evan comes back into the kitchen. He stands in the doorway. I know he wants to say something to me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, breaking the ice.

He rubs the back of his neck. "I've been better. Just a small knot, no big deal." He shrugs.

"I know violence doesn't solve anything. But I won't say sorry because sorry doesn't fix anything."

Sorry is stupid.

"I'm not mad. I get it," he says, looking out the window.

"So, what is it?" I ask. It's obvious something is still bothering him.

"It's hard to act like I'm not bothered that you hate what I have to do."

"I was upset. I lost my best friend last night." I bite my nails.

"It's hard."

"I know it is." I get up.

"I hate that you had to go through that. You don't know what it feels like knowing you're the one who caused all of it."

"I felt helpless. And every time I lose someone I care about I feel like I didn't do all that I could while they were here."

Evan kisses my hand. "I think you were a great friend to her. You're the best friend anyone could have."

I smile. He smiles back.

"I forgot about Nessa. Because I was busy falling in love with you." I touch his arm. "And I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings."

"What happened between us happened fast. And I don't think anyone was ready for it. All we can do is make it up to them." Evan touches my face. "I know I'm not the guy they want you to be with. But nothing feels more amazing than what we have. I don't want to ever lose that."

He is right. We fell for each other fast. But I don't have any regrets. I am where I should be. All I can do is hope that my family accepts our relationship for what it is. If they can't it doesn't matter. Because I won't let anything come in between Evan and me.

Family is supposed to love you no matter what. That's what's supposed to happen. That's what the world wants us to believe. I hate to think there are people in the world that can treat their own like shit but they do, it happens all the time.

Some people don't care. Family can hurt you like your worst enemy. Sometimes they don't care about your happiness. Family is a cauldron of emotions: anger, rage, jealousy, hate. Abuse and depression, and fighting, family is trouble no matter how good or bad it can be at times.

And all I can do is hope that my family accepts my new life.

You have to give everyone a chance to prove you wrong. If they never do than you know they are worth it.