The Secret Struggle

A First, a Second, and a First

It was Friday night and Noel had informed me that they were going to the meadow again. However, this time we were going with Seth and all the rest of them. Instead, we were going to go with Greg and Thomas. Apparently she hadn't been getting along with the rest of them lately, so they just decided that they would go their separate ways this time. I truthfully didn't mind, I hadn't heard from Seth in days, and Noel was my friend while I didn't really know any of the rest of them.

We had just had dinner and there was a good hour or so before we had to leave for the meadow, so Noel asked me to take a walk with her. We walked in silence until we got to the edge of campus and crossed the road when she started digging in her purse.

"I know I don't usually smoke, but I'm feel like shit right now and I really need one. Do you want one?" She offered one out in front of me and I took it in my hands. I wasn't entirely sure whether or not I was going to try it, but for some reason I was really getting an urge.

"What's up Promise? You look unsure of yourself. It's like you know you don't really want it, but something in you is trying to make you take it?" She lit her cigarette and handed me the lighter. "I don't want to be pushy, especially with how bad for you these really are, but I think you should just try it."

I sighed and then put the cigarette to my lips and then pulled the lighter up and lit it.

I coughed a little bit as I first tried it, but after a few breathes and a little coaching from Noel, I finally had it down.

I took a drag of the cigarette and looked over at Noel. "It's about what happened between you and the rest of them, isn't it?"

She nodded. "It's just...I don't know. I know that they're trying to look out for me, but I'm just not buying it. It seems like their basing this more off of some stupid ass feelings that actual facts. I mean they still haven't given me a real reason. However, something in me is telling them that they might be right somehow. I just don't know."

I exhaled the smoked and then switched the cigarette to my left hand so I could put my right arm around Noel. "I understand what you're saying. And I of course don't want to see you get hurt, but I don't think you should give up on him yet. I haven't seen any signs of him being a bad person. Just know that I'll be right here for you if he ever hurts you. But, I think you should wait it out. I don't know why, but something in me is telling you to tell that. You may have to go through a disaster, but for some reason I know it will help you in the future."

Noel looked at me as she took a drag from her cigarette. She then put her head down and shook while she chuckled to herself. "You know you're a perfect friend, don't you Promise?" I didn't answer, but she went on anyways. "You know that's exactly what I'd probably tell you. You have to learn some things the hard way. And you won't know how to deal with something until you've been through it once. I trust you. I know you'll be here when this falls apart. I know it won't last. I don't know why, but I know it won't. However, I have my doubts of it being because he's a terrible person."

I smiled over at my best friend. I knew she had earned those honors by now. "I trust you with everything I have Noel, and that's a lot coming from me. You're the best friend I could ever have. Thank you for pushing me time and time again. I really need it."

She smiled at me. "Oh, and when we're at the meadow, I want to hang out with you for most of the night. We can tell the boys to hang out together or find some of their boy friends. I just want it to be you and me." Noel winked at me and I smiled back at her and we turned around and headed back having another cigarette each on the way.

**********

Thomas drove us to the meadow and while on the way over there, Noel broke the news to them about how her and I were going to have some time alone. They'd seemed a little frustrated at first, but after assuring them that they could be with us later one, they agreed.