The Secret Struggle

Seth

I sat in the coffee shop attempting to do my homework. I couldn't concentrate in my dorm room because I'd just end up reading about sex, watching it, or just flat out masturbating. At least in public I could cut that out. Unless last week said anything about it, I could end up masturbating now.

Shit! Now that's all I can think about. Focus Promise. Focus. Romans. That's what I needed to think of. The book of Romans. I looked at the sheet of paper in front of me that had all of the notes that I need to do this quick little write up. It shouldn't take too long I had reasoned before coming to the coffee shop and hour early. And right now the only thing I had written on the page was "I". One damn word. God I was never going to get this homework done.

I felt something strange going on between my legs and looked down curious at what was going on. Damnit! I was fingering myself. What the hell was wrong with me? I was in public and I was masturbating. This needed to end. I quickly pulled my hand out of my pants.

I was hit with the strong smell of my sex. It was something that always turned me on more than anything. I couldn't explain why, it just did. I always would bring my fingers up to my nose and smell them, and then eventually lick them off after I was done. And that would usually lead to me masturbating again.

I tried to push the urge away, but the smell was too damn good I just couldn't help myself.

"Excuse me ma'am. Are you okay?" I heard a voice from up above me causing me to jump.

Shit! I hope he hadn't seen me with my hands in my pants. I looked up to see the most gorgeous guy I had even seen in my life. He was quite tall, at least compared to me, and I wasn't short by any means. He had light brown hair and crystal blue eyes and shone in the light and tugged on my heart, and in other places, which I was attempting not to think about in the moment.

"Yeah. I am." I responded softer than normal.

"Ok. I just didn't know. You had a strange look on your face I'd never seen before. It was like you were half really happy and half super frustrated with yourself."

Damn. He just about nailed what was going through my head. Pleasured by the smell of myself and disgusted by basically the exact same thing. That's the relationship I had with masturbating it was a love/hate one. I loved it, but my conscience hated it, and because of that my conscience would tear me apart about it.

He looked at me and since I wasn't responding, he spoke up again. "I'm Seth by the way."

"I'm Promise." I said putting a smile on my face, which was more genuine that I would have thought in the situation, though his looks definitely helped in that respect.

"It's nice to meet you," he said reaching his hand out for me to shake. I took it and smiled some more.

"It's nice to meet you too."

"So, what are you working on there?" He aksed, looking down at my homework.

"Oh, just some homework that I've been trying to do." I spoke with a nervous undertone that I hoped he didn't pick up on.

"Which school do you go to?" He asked. Considering there was a public univeristy, a liberal arts private college, a Christian college, and a Bible college in the area, it was a good question to ask.

I didn't want to tell him the turth because I was afraid of his response, but before I could lie, my conscience took over and spoke up telling the truth. "I go to Velancia Bible College."

"That's nice. I'm going to Velancia Christian." He responded with a warm smile.

I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. It was nice that he was very likely a Christian, considering few non-Christians actally went there. And it was even better than he didn't seem to judge me because of it.

"Hey, would you like to hang out with me and some of my friends later tonight. Us and some others from the school and a few church college groups, I think, are getting together in a meadow outside of time and having a get together. You could come with us if you want."

Did he really just ask me to go somewhere with him? My heart lifted up. It would be really nice to hang out with some Christians. No one at the school seemed to give a rat's ass about me so it was nice that someone seemed to actually want to do something with me. I wasn't real big on get together, but before I could talk myself out of it I said, "Sure. I'd love that."

"Great. Just meet us at the school at about 8 tonight and then we'll go from there. It was great meeting you Promise."

He smiled and walked away before I could say anything more. He ordered a coffee and then left and got into a car, though I was at the wrong angle and couldn't quite tell which kind, and he drove off.