The Secret Struggle

Difficult Decisions

"We adore you! We praise you! You are greater than anything in all the Earth!" I belted out the song louder than I ever had before as I stood in the worship service on Sunday morning. I felt like I was in the right place for once. It was rather surprising, but I felt right. I needed God whether or not I wanted to admit it. I may not have wanted or needed Him in the same exact way or with the same beliefs that I had in the past, but the fact that I needed Him still remained.

Keondre was on my left and Noel was on my right. I had to say, it was the least comfortable situation that I had ever been in my life. I had convinced Noel that nothing was going on with Keondre, but it wasn't easy to keep up because I didn't want Keondre to think I was keeping dating me from her.

It was quite the interesting servive. I was the most comfortable I'd ever been and the least comfortable at the exact same time. I was comfortable with God, but I did not feel right with either Keondre or Noel. I knew badly that I needed to make a decision. I couldn't continue to string both of them along. I really needed to decide.

Thanksgiving was this coming Thursday and both Keondre and Noel had invited me to spend it with them and their familes, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't choose one or the other. So, I told them both no and that I was going home to see my family for Thanksgiving. I didn't really want to go home and see my family, but I needed to. I needed to get away from them to decide. I also needed time.

I was leaving in the morning. I stayed only because I didn't want to go to church in my hometown. I f*cking hated it. It was legalistic to the core and f*cking drove me insane. I couldn't go back to it, I needed the new church that I had here. So, I stayed. Plus, the less time with the family, the better.

After the church service ended, I said goodbye to Keondre and left with Noel. It was the safest route to go. I'd already worked it out with Keondre. I'd spend the evening with him. I knew now was my last chance to see where things were going with Noel, and maybe even good a last second goodbye sex session in before I had to leave. I was also hoping for the same thing with Keondre, just later on.

We went out to Noel's car because she had driven today, and hoped in and headed out to lunch. It wasn't really even a date lunch, it was more just going out to lunch as friends, though the fact that we were dating did still complicate that.

After we had lunch, we headed back to Noel's dorm. We spent most of our time there. For starters, it was safer for having sex, and besides that, it just seemed like a nicer room in general and a better place to be.

After we got back, we didn't waste any time at all getting down to business. The second the doors were shut, clothes were flying everywhere and our skin was revealed and then we went after each other like wild animals, bringing each other to orgasm after orgasm. It was a lovely time.

After a while, I finally told Noel that it was time to go and got set to go to Keondre's. I was planning on getting a few more org*sms before I took off and would be without them for almost a week. I couldn't imagine going without sex for that long. Which was crazy, considering I'd spent the previous 21 years of my life have never known a damn thing about s*x or how great it really was.

The second I was through the doorway of Keondre's place, the door was shut behind me and I was pinned up against the wall and we were in full on make out mode. I guess Keondre understood that my absence meant no s*x as well and was ready to get on with it.

I kissed him back just as passionately as he kissed me. I was turned on and dripping wet. I needed him soon, or else I was going to explode. I just couldn't take it any longer. I reached down in between us and began rubbing his d*ck through his pants. He was already hard and I could certainly feel it coming to life. I was ready to have him inside of me.