The Secret Struggle

Sienna

I lay on my bed, trying to wake myself up in order to go to church but not really sure that I wanted to. I was certainly enjoying the house church more than any other church, but I was still really feeling lazy and wishing that I could just lay in bed all day and not have to do anything. That would be the life. The life that I really wanted to live.

I sighed and leaned myself up against my headboard and got my ashtray and cigarettes and lit one and began smoking. It always felt nice to have a good morning smoke. I inhaled the smoke and the minute it hit my lungs I began to feel better already.

Oh shit! I quickly went over to my window and opened it up. I had totally forgotten that because of Courtney I wasn't going to smoke in my room any longer. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten and gone ahead and done it. How could I have been so stupid? Courtney was going to kill me. I couldn't even keep this one promise to her. I was such a b*tch.

I sighed as I put the cigarette out, not wanting to make it any worse than it already was. I'd have to leave the window open all day and use some air freshener to try to get the smoke out.

I finally got out of bed and headed toward the bathroom to take a shower. I knew that the heat from the water would help to wake me up. It always did and I was grateful for that.

After I finished showering, I joined Samuel and Samantha in the living room. They were eating cinnamon rolls and drinking milk. This was the common Sunday ritual for them, and they'd brought me into it as well. Breakfast on Sundays was always cinnamon rolls. It was really nice. Samantha made the best cinnamon rolls in the world and every Saturday night I went to bed wanting to wake up as soon as possible so that I could have some.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a cinnamon roll and then a glass of water since I didn't really particularly care to drink milk. I then went and joined them in the living room.

I sighed as I sat down on the far side of the couch from Samantha. She turned toward me. "What's up? You don't seem your normal happy self."

"Nothing really. I'm just sad that Courtney still won't choose to come to church with us. It's frustrating. I mean I don't care that she goes to another church, but it's frustrating that she thinks it's not a real church and absolutely refuses to even give it a try. I told her plenty of times that I'd go with her, but I just want her to at least come once."

Samantha nodded her head a bit. "I know. But you can't get hung up on that Promise. Maybe it's best that you two spend a day a week apart. You guys are together too much in my opinion. You need some time to hang out with other friends like us, or anyone else. Or you can even just be alone if you want. But you have to get over this Promise. It's okay that she doesn't feel comfortable with us."

"Just once! One fucking time is all I'm asking." I couldn't help but scream.

Samantha sighed and placed her hand on my right shoulder. "It really doesn't matter Proimse. I know it's frustrating. I know it's hard to accept, but you have to. It's her decision. Whether or not it's right isn't the point. But you can't control her. She's your girlfriend, not your daughter."

I knew Samantha was right, but I wasn't in the mood to admit it. I wasn't in the mood to fight it either so I just dropped it.

I felt my phone vibrate from my back pocket. I pulled it out, hoping it was Courtney sending me something to cheer me up. But it wasn't. It was Sienna.

"It's been too long Promise. I'm sorry I have texted you sooner, I've just been so damn busy with work and shit. But we need to get together. And soon. How about today?!"

I didn't really know what to think. I looked at Samantha who was focused on her cinnamon roll. I then thought about what she had said earlier about using Sundays as a day apart. I figured this would be a good time to try it out. I could spend the day with Sienna. We'd become close the week after we'd first met, but then got busy with my school starting and her working and hadn't been able to see each other as much. I figured it would be nice to see her again.