One

Log 582

Hours since launch: 13961

Days of travel: 582

I've been feeling rather nostalgic recently, so I went back this morning in one of my breaks and started to read my logs from the very beginning.

I can't believe how much I've changed since I left Earth. Being in space really does change you, more than you could ever imagine. I used to be excited about this mission, really excited. I used to be happier. I used to put smiley faces in my sign-off. I used to act half my age. I keep wondering why aren't I like that anymore. Each time, I have no answer.

I don't know why I've changed, or how it happened. I guess I just woke up one day a little less happier and it all went downhill from there. Or maybe space does something to your head. Maybe it's the emptiness, the loneliness, the disconnection from the rest of the human race, the knowledge that there are things way bigger than you.

Wow, I sound really down. Maybe I'm just starting to show my age. I'm 30 years old now, having had 2 birthdays since we left Earth. My birthday is today, by the way and I know the others are planning some "secret" surprise for me (which isn't secret because I can see where it's been placed on my daily schedule). If I was still on Earth, I'd be sitting on my couch with a reasonably small vanilla cupcake with 30 birthday candles shoved into it, sticking out at all angles. On One, birthdays are much more celebratory. Even though we don't have cake or presents or anything, we make do. Each birthday, Nic hacks into the ship's computer and creates a 3 hour long period in our schedules dedicated to celebrating. We open up the desserts draw in the food storeroom and each have a portion of whatever is in there while doing absolutely nothing. I usually go for the dessert labelled as a brownie and although it looks like one, it tastes completely different to the warm, gooey treats my mother used to bake. I don't mind though, at least it's a change from our regular rations. While our birthday celebrations don't sound like much, it's good to have a long break and we often end up in the control room, floating around and staring out at the stars.

No matter how far we travel and how many stars we see, the beauty of it all never ceases to amaze me. Every time I stare out the window in the control room, there's always something new to see. The best part of it is, I'm seeing things no one's ever seen before. On Earth, we had only ever known what our solar system looked like but the eight of us are travelling through places people have only dreamed of seeing. And it's all my reality.

Maybe I'm one of the luckiest beings alive, or maybe I'm completely damned. I don't know anymore.

- C Velour

A/N: So we're getting towards the end now. I finished writing the last log this morning so I'll finish putting up all the logs over the next few weeks. I'll be putting two up at time (starting today) until all the logs are up. Anyway, please hit the star button to vote if you enjoyed :)