What If Chandler Bing Didn't Exist...? [F.R.I.E.N.D.S]

Chapter Five: No, No, NO!

'You're disturbing my oboe practice!' - Mr. Heckles, The One With The Flashbacks

'You don't play the oboe!' - Phoebe Buffay, The One With The Flashbacks

'I could play the oboe.' - Mr. Heckles, The One With The Flashbacks

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My head started spinning and I started hyperventilating as I clutched my hand on my chest, trying to take this all in and believe that this was actually happening. I gasped for breath as I tried to mouth the words 'paper bag, paper bag. while reaching my arm out.

"Oh my God! Alright alright."  She went into the cupboards and tried to find some paper bags but failed. 

"Try that cupboard over there," I pointed at the cupboard where I knew the bags were - still not breathing properly, by the way. She edged her way over there, probably thinking that it was impossible that the bags were in there. I shook my hand ferociously signalling to hurry up. She quickly opened the cupboard and she saw the paper bags. She took them out and gasped as I saw her hand shaking. 

"Ho-How did y-you know you were in h-here...?" she stammered, finding it hard to pronounce words.

"Ju-jus-jus," I pointed to the bag, hoping that she was still aware that I was still breathing in and out without any oxygen.

"Oh, right!" She handed the bag to me, which I snatched, gratefully by the way, hoping that my life didn't end this way.

I breathed in and out quickly at first, but luckily oxygen finally came into my lungs and I took the bag away from my mouth. I puffed out my cheeks as my hands went on my hips.

"You can keep the paper bag by the way." She joked. I showed a hint of a smile, but seriously, who would smile at a situation like this?

Just as I thought it wasn't going to get anymore weird, I saw Rachel come out of our guest bedroom. 

"Hey Monic-" She saw me and stopped talking and looked confused as much as Monica was. "Um, who's this?"

"I have no idea, he just came in and told me he was the pizza guy but when I opened the door, he didn't have any pizza!" She whined, half complaining, half baffled on what had happened. "And then things got all weird and he said he was my husband... and he was just hyperventilating."

I looked at the both of them and they stared at me like some stranger, which apparently I was. "Not you too, Rachel!" I complained. "And Ross, Joey, Phoebe don't know me as well?!"

"How do you know my brother? And I do not know any Joey whatsoever, and Phoebe left as my roommate because of something.." I guess she didn't want to go into details with an unknown person. 

"Ok, firstly, Ross was my roommate in college," I started to tell her how I knew him but Monica just cut me off with a laugh. "What?"

"Well, for starters, he was a loner in college," she giggled thinking back to the time when he was in college. "I mean, I even had more friends than that loser!" She looked proud of herself as if it was the entire school. "I know it was just a couple more.. but still," I saw Rachel pat her back as she was getting a little depressed herself since she didn't have much friends back then.

"No, but, wait, wait, wasn't I a friend of Ross?" And in fact, I was certain that I was.

"Well if you were, he didn't really talk much about you.." Monica started, being a bit cautious, probably still wondering if I was telling the truth or not.

"Look, you've go to believe me, I'm your husband, and we live together and have two adopted children." I looked at her, still trying my best to convince her. But by this rate, I could tell she would rather believe me if I gave her a million dollars.

"And you," I said looking at Rachel. "What happened to you and Ross?"

"Ross? As in me and Monica's geeky older brother?" She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, no way in hell is that ever going to happen!"

"What? Why?" I was just so confused. Did I really wreck everybody's lives? In a way, I was proud that without me, the world wouldn't be the same, but right now, I needed to concentrate on why in the world I was not, apparently, existing.

"You two were like the best couple ever! Besides me and Monica, of course," I smiled at the thought of us together but apparently this Monica doesn't get it.

"If you guys don't know who I am, then.. what am I still doing here..?" I started to back out to the door slowly, one step at a time. There was no point. No one knew me and if I explained, they would probably soon take me to the hospital or just leave me.

"Yeah, you totally should do that," I heard Monica, or was it Rachel? My head was a blur, I didn't know anything that was happening, I was so utterly confused.

I reached out for the doorknob which was just behind me, twisted it and pull it forward. I turned away slowly, as I watched them two just watching and staring at me. I saw Rachel reach her arm out in my direction and 'shooed' me away while mouthing 'bye' in a smile. I gave them a forced smile and stepped outside as I closed the door slowly behind me.

I sat on the step outside as I breathed out a deep sigh. Was this literally happening to me? Do I really not exist? I had so many questions on my mind but the biggest one that was filling my head was this: HOW did this happen? Like who in the world would want to do this to me? 

"Someone who hates me I'll bet," I whispered to myself, answering the question that I was thinking of.

All of a sudden I realised something. I rubbed the side of my head, my temples, and closed my eyes shut.

"No.. no.. no!"

Was it because of that woman, Barbara? Why the hell would she do that to me? When I'm going back to the hotel, she is gonna get one hell of a... Nah, who am I kidding? I'm the funny guy, not the ass-kicking guy. Like, I don't lie like Ross, who has done some, apparently, 'karatay' (which is in his expression), and I don't quite believe that he has done some anyway. I groaned as I rubbed my face, up and down, trying to take pressure out of all of this, but by this rate, I doubt that that will be happening. 

Just then, I heard the door from Joey's apartment, Apartment Door number 19, screech open. At first I thought it was Joey from the apartment asking for more food from our place, but instead it was an old man with white hair and someone that was pretty familiar. Yep, you guessed it. It was Mr. Heckles. I was actually startled by his appearance and stood up quickly.

"Mr. Heckles? You're not dead?" He stared at me blankly.

"I could be dead."

"And you don't live in this apartment."

"I could live in this apartment."

"Oh God, this is making me so confused..." And I just started to race to my car, knowing where I was headed. I needed answers. I'm off to go to Dharric Kurbe.

~~~

Thanks for reading, hope you are lovin' this story so far! It's getting pretty mysterious, well I hope you think of it that way! I hope you are also feeling for Chandler.. I mean, imagine a world where no one recognises you! Ooooh, scary!

Please COMMENT/VOTE/FOLLOW. I seriously appreciate ALL comments, votes and especially follows, and I'm not just saying it to everybody! AND, you'll get a dedication! Update in 3-4 days.. hopefully, depends, but I'll know you'll understand! Thanks for reading once more!