What If Chandler Bing Didn't Exist...? [F.R.I.E.N.D.S]

Chapter Fifteen: Crazily, We Need Advice

 'C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws...' - Phoebe Buffay, The One With The Prom Video

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I smiled, trying to seem that I was a stranger in her eyes. "Hello Pheebs." Dammit, I just gave her a massive clue to that I knew her. By saying her name.

"Um, hi? I don't think I know you. But you know me?"

By that point I was speechless. Lost for words. Okay think Phoebe. Didn't know her own mother, step-mother killed herself. Yeesh, just remembered how dark her life was. Okay, what about some happy thoughts Chandler? Guitar! Smelly cat.. But how to link me and Smelly Cat together? By saying that I smell like that? It's true though. Massages! Yes, I could say that I wanted a massage. But from who? MONICA! Yes, Phoebe, Monica, massages.

"Massages," I blurted out. Now why did I do that? "Chandler." Someone please control my mouth! Phoebe looked confused. And so were Joey and Ross apparently looking towards me both on either side of me.

"Be cool dude, you said so herself." Joey nudged me whispering in my ear. I nudged him back. I knew what I was doing right?

I gave her a nervous smile and started over. "Hi, I'm Chandler." I racked my brain for what I had to say next. "Um, Monica heard, told me that you're a good massager.. And I was wondering if you would massage me- Ross." I changed my mind a split second after. I pushed him towards her so that he was now in front of me and Joey.

"What, why me?" He said it in a low voice and then right after he was pushed forward he stopped talking.

Joey started to cringe. "Wait, how come I don't get to be massaged?"

"Oh, okay, if you really wanna," I pushed him forward and Ross stepped back.

I saw Joey take a good look at Phoebe, up and down, and yep, I saw what was gonna happen next.

"How you doin'?" He used his smoulder and Phoebe shyly giggled.

"No, no, no, no!" I stepped in between them. "Not gonna happen."

Joey looked at me angrily confused. "What? Why not?"

"Just- just don't. We gotta massage thing to do!"

"Wait, wait, wait. You guys got an appointment?" Phoebe looked at us three waving her finger around.

"Um…" Great, lost for words again! Another thing about Phoebe? Psychic? All that aura stuff and crazy assumptions? "How about I tell you that I was psychic?" I asked Phoebe cautiously.

"Oh really? You're psychic? Impress me. Do you know what I'm think about now?" I cringed.

"What about I tell you a few things about yourself, like I only just met you know right?"

She shrugged her shoulders agreeing. "Yeah, I guess, fair enough. What are a few things about me?"

I rubbed my hands together. Now this should be really easy. "Okay, let's start from the beginning. You have a mother, who gave you away, and now you have a step - mother but then she killed herself…" I saw Ross and Joey give me confused and shocked looks.

"Oh, and you have a twin, she's named…" What was her name again? "Ursula!"

"Eugh, I hate her. I never told anyone about her… how did you know about her?"

I shrugged my shoulders smiling. "Psychic."

"Okay, so you know a bit about my family.. What about my favourite things to do?"