What If Chandler Bing Didn't Exist...? [F.R.I.E.N.D.S]

Chapter Nine: Dude, You Gotta Tell Me

'Everyone, this is Julie.' - Ross Geller, The One With Ross' New Girlfriend

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There was silence in the hallways and I decided that he finally believed me that I knew him.

"Alright, so I'm going to take my hand away now…" I slowly spoke to him carefully, almost in a whisper.

He gave me a sort of a stifled mumble in reply. I let my hand go away from his wet mouth, suddenly feeling the air within the room up against it. It felt moist and damp, and it started to irritate me so I started to rub my hand casually, but harshly, wanting his humid breath out of my hand. Ross immediately leant forward, taking a few steps, gasping for air. I stood there, one eyebrow raised. Does he not breathe through his nose?

I decided that it was time to break the silence. "So now do you believe me..?"

He stood there, almost as shocked as I was when I found out that I didn't exist. Almost. He started stammering his words. "H-H-How… W-Why… W-What?"

I started calmly talking to him, really hoping this was not a big deal. Well, trying not to. "Look, you believe that I know everything about you, so can you believe that we're at least friends?"

His mouth was still agape, but after a while his head nodded just a tiny bit. "I still don't get-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I cut him off. I knew what he was going to say, and I knew that I had to explain it to him. He was the smartest in the group and who else could I have relied on?

"Just, hold on a second. I just want to know… Why doesn't anyone know you? And you said something about not existing?" I could see his thinking face was on.

"It's a long story…" I started.

"I have time…" I suppose he really wanted to know. He looked at his watch. "I think…"

I pursed my lips and I knew it was now or never. "Okay, well you're going to have to sit down for this." We walked over to the bedroom and sat down on the sheets of the nearest bed.

I started talking to him, about how Monica and I had a fight, well first I had to tell him that I was married to her, but you didn't want to see how he reacted… I told him how I left her, and yeah, he got pretty angry at that part.. at least there was still some "normal" Ross in him. I said that I had to stay at the hotel and how it was weird. I told him that the next day I was all happy to go home to Monica, and Ross was pretty relieved at that part, and that I was going to say sorry. But then I said that they reacted as if no one knew me, in fact, they actually didn't know me, I started panicking, almost fainted and died, I don't think he cared much about that seeing that I left his sister, and then I went back to the hotel room. I told him how I had to eat those horrible turkey sandwiches, which obviously I made a great big deal out of it, and that was when I told him about the notes.

I kept them in my wallet and I reached out to take it out of my back pocket. I showed to him and he started to read it. After a while, Ross looked down and puffed out his cheeks. He shook his head disapprovingly, not believing that he actually fell for this one. Except this wasn't a joke. It was real.

"And why did you come to me?" Seriously? Out of all the questions in the world, he had to ask that one. Now I have to praise him and stuff..

I sighed. "Because you were the smartest in the group, Ross." Need I say more?

He started to smile. "Well, I do have a PhD." He said it in a boastful voice, proud almost.

I just looked at him blankly. "Really?"