Splendid Ignorance

1988

Soon after I had turned twenty and final exams were swiftly approaching, I found myself staring at a downpour while standing at the exit to the university library. Most of May had been unseasonably muggy. I was tired after cramming through books and notes all day long and all I wanted to do was to get to my car, but it was on the other side of campus. Of course, I didn't have an umbrella. I had just decided to run to my car and get soaked when I heard my name called. When I turned, I saw Darcey.

I'm sure I stood there speechless with my mouth and eyes wide open. It took me a moment before I realized that I was seeing something in reality. This was no past tense mental musing. She smiled and walked up to me. Her voice echoed slightly in the library's vestibule.

"Hi." She said. It was friendly.

"Hi." I said. "What are you doing here?"

She laughed. "Earning a degree." She laughed again. "Just studying for finals. Do you go here too?" She adjusted her backpack on her shoulder. It looked heavy.

"Yeah. What's your major?"

"Education. What's yours?"

I couldn't say 'undeclared'. It just sounded too, too much like somebody that had no direction. "Communications."

Darcey nodded with a slight smile. "That makes sense."

"I'm thinking of changing to English though." I quickly amended.

"Where are you headed now? Do you have a class?" She asked.

"No. I'm going home now. I was just debating on if I should wait for the rain to stop? I'm on the other side of campus. I mean, my car is."

"I know, it's pouring isn't it. I didn't know it was raining so hard. I was in the basement." She said. "It's quieter down there. I can focus better."

"I was down there too!" I said with a bit too much exuberance. This was just a casual conversation, not a reunification. Keep it simple. Don't complicate things. I adjusted my enthusiasm. "I like it because there are all the stacks of old journals and magazines. They have some collections from around the Civil War."

"I'm surprised that we haven't run into one another before." She said.

"Really, that is wild." I didn't feel the need to reveal to her that I had only been in the library a handful of times all semester, and mostly I was sleeping when I should have been in class.

We stood silent for a moment. It was only a few seconds, but it seemed like time slowed and the amount of rain that had fallen for those few seconds could have accounted for Noah's flood. To me, it did not seem awkward. It was good. I didn't want it to end.

"Would you like to go back in and get some coffee? We could wait for the rain to stop, and I could drive you over to your car. I'm parked right behind the library." Darcey said.

At first, I thought that I had asked her for some coffee, but I stood in amazement at her suggestion. I nodded with a wide smile. I hoped it didn't reveal my enthusiasm too much. I wanted to be level-headed about this. This was like a dream-come-true.

We went up to the lounge and I bought two coffees out of the vending machine. They were extremely hot so we sat for many minutes before even attempting a sip. Even though the rain had slowed down considerably, there did not seem to be any rush on Darcey's part to wrap things up. Certainly, I was not in any rush.

We talked. It was so smooth and natural. The fear of sounding like a raving lunatic because of my excitement over the chance meeting evolving into some real connection evaporated after a few of minutes. We talked about the rain, about our classes and the upcoming finals. We talked about how the coffee had a faint taste of chicken soup. We never referenced the night at the bowling alley or the letters or the poem I had sent her. We didn't bring up Wanda or Iggy, or even high school, except to say how nice it was to be over that hurdle and to get on with our lives. I am not sure how long we talked or even about what specific topics we used to consume all that time with? It just happened. And then the coffee was gone, the rain had completely stopped, and we were heading for her car.

As we walked, it seemed like each step I took got heavier. I felt, literally felt in a tangible way, the time we were having together coming to an end. Could it continue? Should it? Should I try to make it continue on? What had just happened was beautiful. It was simple. Had Darcey noticed it too or was the perception all in my mind? Then, I realized. It was, even now, something of the past. Did it not have a future? Should it not?

We got to her car just as a drizzle of rain started. We hurried and got in with a laugh. "Just in time!" We said in unison.

Darcey started the car and I directed her over to where I was parked. I felt the pressure of time ticking away. The moment of opportunity approaching its time of passing. I struggled with whether I should see if perhaps we could continue together or if I pursued that would it ruin what he had just experienced? Perhaps I should wait until I saw her again? Since she was on campus, I could arrange another 'chance' meeting? Now or later? Or ever?

I decided I would risk it. I would ask her for her number. Could call her? Could we go out some time to dinner? I saw my car and pointed it out to her. She slowed and stopped behind it. The rain had stopped again and there was even a partial clearing of blue and some sunshine that began to shine through. I quickly scanned for a rainbow in the sky but saw none.

I don't quite remember what happened. We exchanged pleasantries, smiles, and I got out of her car and waved as she drove off. As she left the parking lot and her car was gone from my sight, I looked up and then saw it, a double rainbow. It was there for just an instant and then it was gone as the clouds closed upon one another and some large drops of rain began to fall. I hurriedly got into my car. I sat for a while as the rain began to pour down. I stared out of the front windshield as the rivulets of water created a distorted vision of the outside world. The key remained in the ignition for a long while before I finally turned it and pulled out of the parking lot.

I drove absent-mindedly, replaying what had just happened in my mind. It was a dream. It had to have been. But I still smelled Darcey's perfume and I could still hear her laugh. It sounded refreshing. It reminded me of three years before, when things were simple.

I looked for her in the basement of the library and around campus, I never found her again. I could not bring myself to go beyond just casually looking around for her, despite the burning in my heart and how the thought of her consumed my mind.

I left school the following fall semester and went in pursuit of the minimum wage. My rut became solidified and continued unabated for a year. It was then that I began drinking heavily. I moved back home and my entire life seemed to stretch out before me with little hope of any change until Karl told me of Petra Remodeling years later.

The day in the rain joined the many other memories of the past. I had them neatly categorized and shelved in my mind, like books in a library. I checked them out often, to thumb through their pages, to remember and relive. The day in the rain was one I checked out often for the next ten years, until I would finally see Darcey again.