Splendid Ignorance

2002

I was 35 when I made the call. I had found out through the grapevine, or rather through a simple search on the internet, what school Darcey worked at. I had contemplated for many days before I called her. It was late in the evening and I got what I wanted, her voicemail.

"Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Ms. Dodson. First grade, room 107. I cannot come to the phone right now, but please leave me a detailed message and I will be sure to call you back at my earliest possible convenience. Thank you."

My receiver clunked onto the base before the beep to leave a message began. It had seemed harmless enough. There was no direct contact. There were no words exchanged apart from a generic recorded voicemail greeting. But what a deception that was. I knew in my gut I had taken the bait; hook, line, and sinker. 'You sank my battleship'. I was sunk.

I wanted to convince myself that I desperately fought my actions, but the flesh was weak. I don't know how many times I listened to Darcey's voice over the following weeks. I would sometimes call a half dozen times a night, but I never left a message. Except once.

Once I had been up very late. I could barely keep my eyes open. I was in the dining room. Flora was asleep. I should have gone back to bed but I called once more. I must have dozed off while Darcey's greeting was playing. The next thing I knew, I heard my name called. It came as though from the other end of a long hallway. Then it was clear. I snapped too and spoke without hesitation, "Darcey?"

It was dark around me, and then there was a click and a light came on. I was holding the receiver but there was silence on the other end. I was in a momentary vertigo until I heard a strange voice on the other end of the line say, 'If you are satisfied with your message press one now or hang up...' I heard my name spoken again from behind me and in a reflexive motion I turned toward the voice as I returned the receiver to its base. Flora was standing in the doorway in the light of the table lamp. I was in shock. I know my face had the expression of guilty horror on it.

"What's going on? Are you OK?" Flora said with confusion evident in her voice.

I stammered an unintelligible reply. She walked into the room, past me, and into the living room. She sat down heavy onto the couch. I could barely see her in the shadows. I sighed, rose and walked into the dark room where she was. The light from the dining room cast a pale glow on the furniture in the living room. I sat in the chair across from Flora. We sat in silence for a long time.