Between Chemicals And Romance (A Frerard/Gerbert Fan Fiction)ABANDONDED

Chapter Three-The Bar

I looked up at the white ceiling as the sheets underneath me sucked me into the bed. Time ticked by as my eye lids would not fall tired, or close for that matter. It felt as time stood still and I couldn't escape it. The sun would not rise, and each minute felt like an eternity. I moved from one side of he bed to the other consistently. I sat up quickly and glared at the clock. it's only 12 in the morning!? What the hell! It feels as if it's 5 in the morning. This is ridiculous.

I slipped out of bed, completely aware that I cannot sleep. I know the result of this but I don't care. Sorrow seeped down to my core as an overwhelming sadness drenched over me. I dazed off to the distance as I heard the shattering of my heart. God, why can't I just be a normal man, with a normal job, with an addiction to porn rather than my sweet alcohol? At this point in time, I think it's best that I should get help but I know that a man like me doesn't deserve to get better. A man like me who took stuff for granted, never fully satisfied and who absolutely dreads life, doesn't deserve to get better. A man like me deserves to die.

Go ahead. You know you want to. You know you want to taste that beautiful whiskey on your tongue and taste it forever. You know you can't hold up until tomorrow morning. Come on, just one sip. You know you miss the taste and the feeling that it gives you. Why not give in? 

I sighed angrily knowing I was giving into this. I feel like I'm never going to get over this addiction. Not today, not tomorrow, not in two years. Not in five. I feel as if I'm never going to get over my addiction. Not even with the help of the support group. How can I get rid of an addiction to something so controlling? How do I give up something I live everyday off of? It's nearly impossible.

You know you want a sip come on. Walk towards the refrigerator. You know you want that bottle. Go on. You know you want to.

That was the last straw. I grabbed a lock of my long, shaggy black hair and pulled roughly. "Get out of my head!" I yelled.

You can't get rid of me. I'm you. I'm only in your head. You can't get rid of me. You'll never get rid of me.

Tears started slipping out of my eyes as I walked towards the door to my bedroom. I'm going to regret this later but I need the bottle of liquor now. I placed my pale hand on the cold metal door knob and twisted it towards the left. I pulled open the door and let the door knob slam into the wall, leaving a large scratch in the wall. I stumbled over large shadows that lingered in the darkness of my living room in order to reach the kitchen. I slammed my toe into a wooden pole. I stumbled back in pain and groaned. I fell to the ground and gripped my bare foot. I felt a sticky substance on the toe. I groaned as a tingling feeling ran from the toe to the rest of my body making me shiver. I stood up once more, limping towards the kitchen. Nothing's going to stop me from getting my sweet, sweet alcohol.

I felt the warm, sticky substance fall along my foot as I entered the dark kitchen. The street light illuminated into the kitchen only showing a dim reflection off the wall the window was facing. Fortunate for me, I was able to spot the refrigerator next to the counter and slowly made my way over to it. Again, I continued to trip over random objects that were placed in the middle of the room for some unknown reason but this time, because of the street lamps light, I was able to see half of these objects from a certain angle. Finally, I stood in front of the black refrigerator. I gripped the door handle of the fridge and opened it. What met my eyes was repulsive. There was almost nothing in the fridge just a loff of bread and a bottle of expired milk. There wasn't even a bottle of liquor in sight. How the hell did I not eat with in the past few days?

Anger got the best of me and I slammed the door of the fridge angrily. I grabbed the keys to the apartment and a good chunk of money while storming off to the front door of the apartment. I slipped on my left shoe and instantly howled in pain. God damn it! I forgot about my toe. I finally gave in and turned the light switch on. My toe had a few hues of red and purples, showing signs of a broken toe or just a really bad swollen toe. Fuck. I tossed the shoe away, letting it hit the wall as I rushed on over to the bathroom, yet again tripping on stuff for the third time.