Beginning Of Something New (sequel to the letter story)

Chapter 5: It's over

A/n: Sorry This chapter is pretty sad and short but hope you enjoy it -Karin :)

I prepared tea in my blue mug and went out and sat in the garden in our rose trellis. With the computer in my lap. Sounds of romantic with a rose trellis. I began to write. I had a blog a few years back, I tried to find time to blog as much as possible. Karin had helped me with the design. And I was very pleased. The problem was all these questions we had about the wedding and if we are going to have children and so on. Whats was hard for me. I used to ignore the questions but I did not want to seem rude either.

I am still not better today, yesterday was perfect and nothing can surely be perfect but I loved every minute of the moment. I sat and tried to think of something to blog about but nothing would come out of my head. What is wrong with me?

I instead started googling symptoms everything possible I could be suffering from. I know it's not good googling things. Enough to google that you have an sores or something on your body so you can have cancer. I know bad idea but I could not stop. It was like I was looking for diseases and wrong on my body.

I came in at a page where you could enter separate words, given a diagnosis by a doctor calling himself the online doctor. After entering the words I pressed see the diagnosis, page loaded and then stood there with big letters "DEPRESSED" WHAT!? I shouted loud I AM WELL NOT DEPRESSED? or maybe I am. I have felt bad for a long time. I've been crying alone in a corner and Niall found me and hugged me and saying nice words to me.

I started to cry again, no, no, I was not supposed to. I knew that Niall was being watched me and I turned around he was standing there. He walked towards me and sat beside me. He pulled down the computer cover and laid it on the table. And said "from now on you will not googling symptoms, I love you and want your best what's the problem baby?"

"Nothing"

"Don’t lie"

"Nothing "I said while still looking down at the ground.

"What happened to yesterday? You seemed so happy after the cozy evening? "

"DO YOU THINK SEX SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS OR WHAT?!" I screamed while tears ran down my cheeks. The makeup ran out and get dirty.

" No I don’t think that neither. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM? I JUST WANT YOUR BEST YOU DON’T  UNDERSTAND THAT? I LOVE YOU AND WE MUST BE ABLE TO TELL EACH OTHER IF WE FEEL BAD "said Niall.

I cried even more, it was not how I wanted the day to begin.

"OKAY I FEEL fucking BAD RIGHT NOW I AM D.. EP ... ummm. I AM DEPRESSED NIALL AND I HATE MYSELF I CAN’T LOVE MYSELF " I took a break and went "I MANAGE NO LONGER NOTHING IS AS IT USED TO WHY? I can not take it you don’t understand I AM A FUCKING IDIOT " I screamed and the tears ran" Don’t  you see how ugly I am? "

"I love you Aicha with all my hearts but I think we should take a break. And you begin to love yourself again first okay, " I could barely take it. So now was our life together over. the tears continued to flow from my cheeks. Niall did not go away, he just sat there next to me. He began touching me and I pulled myself away from him. "Didn't you just said it was over?”

can not believe you still care about me I'm just a hopless idiot.

Me and Niall had not been fighting so much since we got together and sure we had been fighting, but it had gone over  been forgiven each other after. Never been to something like this big. Or did we really fighting ? Could not understand it all, I had thoughts in my head spinning around knew neither in or out.

got up and started running.  I cried. I did not dare look behind me I ran and ran, I don’t think I have run so fast in all my life before. I cried while I ran. I didn't know where I was going i just keep running and crying.