As usual, I was browsing the Creepypasta Files Wiki looking for a topic for this chapter. I stumbled upon this one character called Numb Jaxson. I looked through the basics and all that before snapping a screenshot and starting a new part in this book.
This young man is Numb Jaxson. First off, find a better name. It's just like Eyeless Jack and Laughing Jack. Adding a certain trait of theirs and putting it before their name. It doesn't really do anything to develop the character.
Okay, so his skills/powers are numbness. What? What exactly does that mean? Is he numb to pain like Toby, can he feel anything, or can't feel emotion? What exactly is it?
This is his backstory, verbatim:
"Jaxson always skipped school and break the laws. Jaxson ran away from home so he had nowhere to stay at so he would always go to the forest and climb a tree and sit up in the tree until the next day. One night Jaxson was being chased by one of his bullies. Once Jaxson made his bully lose track of where Jaxson was he went to the forest and saw a tall and skinny figure but he thought he was just seeing things. Then Jaxson felt something touch his shoulder and turned around and saw a knife, he picked up the knife and went back to the city and stabbed lots of people in the city. One hour later he went back to the forest and got bored so he started stabbing a tree. A couple of minutes later he started to feel something touch his shoulder again when he turned around he saw the slenderman. After he saw the slenderman, The slenderman took Jaxson."
AAAAAAAAHHHH! This is so cringey I can't believe it's real! First of all, he had bullies. Bullies are very cliché. Second of all, he saw a tall and skinny thing in the forest after losing the bullies but thought he was just seeing things? Do a double take and use your common sense!
Also, when he saw the knife, was it on his shoulder? The ground? How did he just notice it and be like "Oh look, a knife! I'm gonna go and stab a bunch of random people in the city!"
And about the killing people stuff. The way the person words it is terrible. Why would he just go into the city and stab lots of people? Does he not have common sense?
This story is crazy. Slenderman just took him away like that? That makes no sense. It's out of character. He stalks his victims and future proxies for a long time. This is absurd.
The backstory is also pretty short. Give us a reason why he ran away from home. Add more detail.
So his personality is rude, bratty, insane, wild, hyper, and a player. If you serve good ol' Slendy, being rude and bratty isn't good. At all! Him going insane was never mentioned in the story. And a player? Really? Slenderman wouldn't allow his proxies to date. It's just stupid. Also, he's canonically shipped with a girl! This makes absolutely no sense!
This guy's story is all over the place. It's cliché and just downright terrible.
