The Kissing Booth - Chasing Noah

Chapter 24

A/N: This is the edited version of Chapter 54 and 55.

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Elle's POV

Noah didn't come back to the hospital that night. And he was wrong; Doctor Accipit - he had finally introduced himself properly, even though I was never going to pronounce his name right - wasn't releasing me until the next day. Noah would be gone by then and we would be in the same place that we were before; fighting on opposite ends of the country. This felt like an uphill battle. An uphill battle where every single part of my life was working to push me down.

Apparently the hospital had to monitor my mental capacity. They wanted to find the root of my eating disorder before they made me a concrete treatment plan. They promised that I would be released before school started again. It took a lot of convincing for my doctor and my dad to let me go back to school so soon. I was supposed to stay away from any stressful situations. But I explained to them that my acceptance into any college or university was riding on me keeping my grades up. And no matter what anyone insisted, that was pretty hard to do from a hospital bed.

What I should be focused on right now is getting better. But what I was really worried about was how I going to fix things with Noah. I promised a lot of people that cared about me that I was going to get my priorities straight. So I read the pamphlets, I asked questions, I signed forms. They talked me through a program that laid out such a strict diet I didn't think I'd have time for anything else. It was detailed down to the last ounce. But the look on my dad's face when I agreed to everything with no hesitation made every bit of effort this was going to take worth it.

I didn't ever want to see that look of pain on his face again. And I definitely didn't want to be the one to have caused it. Now that I thought about it, my dad said that he had to run out to grab something from the house a long time ago. He shouldn't be taking this long. I took advantage of the time I had to talk to Brad. He had to be freaking out. And I still couldn't sort out what was real and what wasn't from that dream. If my brother really reacted to seeing me in the hospital like he had in my dream, I had to fix things with him.

"Hey little bro," I grinned when Lee's mom brought him into my room. She gave me a sad smile before she left, leaving me feeling guilty and upset. Which wasn't a good way to start this conversation. I was feeling a lot better than before and I could even sit up now, but it was still hard to focus on my brother, talk and keep my eyes open all at the same time.

"Hey Elle," he whispered, his voice cracking with a cry. I knew I should have done this sooner. He probably hates me by now.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly. I patted the bed beside me, but I saw the war in his eyes. He pushed people away just like I did. He didn't want to tell me what he was feeling because that would be sharing a part of himself with someone who could end of leaving. And I nearly did. I was selfish and stupid and it was no one's fault but my own that my brother was pushing me away. He sat in the chair beside my bed, forcing me to turn my entire body to face him. Everything ached. It took everything I had not to groan out loud, but I didn't want to scare him. That could only make things worse.

"You were stupid Elle. Really, really stupid," he spoke, his lip quivering. I wanted to pull him close and make him believe me when I said that this was the biggest mistake I'd ever made. That I didn't want to go anywhere anytime soon. But I knew that once you pushed someone away like he was doing right now, there was almost no way to repair that.

Like how I felt when Noah left for Harvard. I get that it was the best decision for him and if he had decided to stay just for my sake, I never would have forgiven myself. But it felt like I had finally found someone that I could trust and then they were gone again. I would always be thankful for Lee and the amazing bond that we share, but I don't think he'll ever really understand what it was like for me when my mom left. And I don't ever want him to; I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. Noah knows what it's like for people to use him, take what they need, and leave again before you can even prepare yourself for the loss.