Kian?
He's my gold and soul. The one and only...
Guys and guys all line up just for me, but i picked Kian.
Why? Because he's mine.
And everything I've ever dreamed of.
He's amazing. Kind. He's all girls' dream guy.
He picked me. I picked him. We were the power couple. Nothing stopped us.
It was the best times of my life.
Until, a hoe came in.
I was ready to marry him. MY LOVE. MY SOUL.
But he lied. And gave it all up for a hoe.
It wasn't just once. Day after day, he brings a hoe. Saying "This is my best friend." But lies all come to his stupid mouth.
I never thought of anything else than loving him. I was too in love.
I kept everything up to myself. I always wanted to talk to my sister, but... My nervous senses won't let me. I wouldn't know how she'd react.
Never have I told anyone anything about my feelings. Kian, I thought about him all day. All night. All years. But do you think he did the same?
I fake a smile.
I try to hide my cries.
I say things like, "I'm okay."
I lived life as if there was something holding me back.
Depression attacked me. How much did it take to love someone who doesn't love you back?
He'd say, "You are the best, and there's no one else other than you." And bring a hoe the next day.
What was he thinking? Whatever it was he never thought of my feelings.
He'd do whatever he wanted and didn't care how others will feel.
Every day, different hoe. He'd bring the same one twice or trice, but it was all different.
I cried everyday. I told no one.
I say to myself, how imperfect I am. How can someone hate me that much? Am I THAT ugly?
And he did it all. I smiled... But little did he know how much I lied when I said, "I'm fine."
Is it that hard to figure out how someone feels? Was he that dumb? Or was it me? Was I dumb for waiting on someone who'd never love you as much as you love them?
Yes, I was. And the thought about it everyday makes me depressed.
I'd cry, but no one will care.
I'd scream, but no one will listen.
I'd run, but no one will follow me.
I'd smile, but no one will know the truth.
I'd die, but no one will remember me.
Everything in my life was not okay. And why was it? It was because of one simple man that I thought was my world.
I finally opened up and told him everything in a letter.
I packed my bags, I was ready to leave.
I wrote him a letter saying,
"Dear Kian,
Do you ever see me cry?
What you see is not what you believe, Kian. You said I was your "everything" but did you mean it? No, you don't. Cause' your DUMB, STUPID AND UGLY. I HATE YOU AND I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU IN MY LIFE EVER.
