Ryder's Angel

Chapter Twenty-Four: Burning Desire: Danny

Chapter Twenty-Four: Burning Desire: Danny

The burning desire to find Angeline grew stronger as the days wore on. Despite that and the still dreary mood that hung around the orphanage like mist, things were looking up. Kids were healing, and the walls and floors were being fixed. Ethan was much better – happier and more like his cute troublesome self – but the longing to see his mother would never leave him. He wasn’t as much of a handful as he used to be, though, maybe because everyone was acting so glum and snappy, or maybe because Angeline wasn’t there to make him feel better when he got yelled at.

I had nothing better to do, because I enjoyed nothing more, and because he needed more company than before, I played blocks and did puzzles with Ethan for hours on end. He loved them and I think he loved being with me. But there was nothing like being with my son – I loved it. The mere sight of him was like sunshine in these grey days. He brought me joy, brought me away from my worries and troubles for a few hours.

It was the same every day: wake up to see Ethan beside me in Angeline’s spot, sucking his thumb and drooling; eat breakfast with the others – who were slowly recovering – go upstairs and do puzzles; play make-believe and Play-Doh for a few hours. Then while Ethan took a nap in his mother’s place in bed, I worried about Ang while pacing the room. If I was lucky, Dr. Blu came to visit. He looked much older, more withered, with the recent battles with claws as well as with wounds. He mostly talked about how everyone was on the mend and soon we’d be able to go out and give the dead the respectful burial they deserve. After that, Blu left, Ethan would wake, and we’d go to lunch.

But instead of going back to playing, I took Ethan to training. He loved it and I could tell by the way he was nothing but giggles when it was done. I tried to keep myself hidden during the sessions, standing out in the hall, watching Ethan from the window in the door. It wouldn’t be fair to the other children – even with their small brains, bad memories, and short attention spans – if I was there, helping Ethan. They’d be jealous. They would want help and advice, too, because they would feel left out. The poor kids – they were four or five years old and without their parents. I myself remember feeling lost without knowing my mother or father, not even knowing what their faces looked like.

So I stood there every single day, peeking through the window, my eyes glued to my son’s excited face. To see him happy was breaking my heart. But it was only me. Even with him at the best minutes of the day, I couldn’t help feeling my spirits fall. How could he carry on not knowing of his mother was alive or not? Angeline could be halfway across the world by now, her neck on a noose…

There were few other people coming down the hall when I was watched Ethan. If one happened to come limping down, I knew they shook their head in pity. They knew how much I missed Angeline. I was now a single father. I had nothing to lose but my sanity and my son.

Where was my angel?

One day, after lunch, we were sitting on the floor in our room. Ethan was on my lap as we watched a kid show on television – something called Dora – but I was only half listening. Part of me was staring mindlessly at the screen while the other part was seeing Angeline. I only snapped out of this strange trance when an angel appeared on the screen, with a white dress and gold wings. My heart thud a million miles an hour and my nerves snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore!

I shut the TV off, ignoring Ethan’s whining protests, picked him up, and stormed down to the elevator. Angeline’s angel form and the angel on television were all I could see. The elevator rose slowly, seeming to only make me angrier. I couldn’t take this – I was only fooling myself, thinking life could go on without Angeline. I just couldn’t not stay here, couldn’t not let her fend for herself all alone. I couldn’t take it!