I woke up the next morning to another day of shopping at Walmart. Mama Onion and I were shopping for a bit when all of a sudden a horrendous aroma overcame my two nostrils. I sniffled a bit, but the scent faded for a while. I shrugged it off and continued to browse the products that lined the aisles. Then, it was like a truck had hit me! The stench was overwhelming! It was as if I was in the bathroom and someone had taken a fat shit, but I happened to be nowhere near the fucking bathroom. The nearest bathroom was a GOOD ways a way, so I knew what must've happened...
Someone had shit their pants. If it wasn't that, they must have had taken a dump right then and there on the fucking floor. I gagged a bit and laughed through my choking. This was the sort of situation people never expected to actually happen to them. It was the sort of situation that always happened to your best friend's brother's mom's dad or something.
I scanned each aisle that Mama Onion and I passed in an attempt to find the source of such stenchery, but my eyes were assaulted with the sight of some couple having sex with their clothes on. I'm dead serious. This dude was humping his girl and they were French kissing and shit. She was feelin his wee wee and shit.
I was fed up. Walmart Wednesday was over. I needed to leave. I could not contain my hyena-like cackling as we exited the super Walmart. This situation was all too much for me. I could not simply contain my laughter.
After the occurrence at Walmart, Mama Onion and I dined at the finest establishments I can think of; Olive Garden. The restaurant was perched upon a hill as it overlooked the lowly establishments that were Pasquale's, Skoogy's and Puspuple's. This restaurant knew that it was superior in every way to other places that I just listed, and rightfully so.
Olive Garden was a sacred place. It was where the gods and goddesses dined. It was where the rich and famous found refuge from the hustle and bustle of their busy lives. Olive Garden was truly the definition of Heaven... Or so I thought...
We were seated and ordered our drinks and food. As usual, I got a fuck-ton of appetizers; despite my queasiness from before (Olive Garden treats all of the ailments that trouble you the moment you walk through those classic double doors).
Something was amiss, at this restaurant, however. The waiter smirked at me in a suspicious manner and I could only imagine what was up his sleeve. After about an hour of waiting, we were served...
The waiter has brought me out a plate full of fucking cashews. I screamed in horror at this action and was about to flee when Puspuple (Pasquale's arch nemesis) tied me to the chair that I was sitting in! I screeched in horror and Puspuple began pouring the cashews in my mouth.
Before they got the mangoes out, I transformed into Mary Sue!!!
*transformation sequence*
BADBABAADAAAAA FANCYYYYY MUSSSSICCC AND AESTHETICALLY BABABADAAAAAADDAAA PLEASING BACKGROUNDS
*end of transformation sequence*
I broke through the ropes and puked up all of the cashews. Puspuple and I began a spitting war...
"What's a spitting war?" you may ask. Well, I'll tell ya... A spitting war is where two people grab a glass of their preferred beverage and spit it at each other until one person wins. Each spit has to hit the person, or you lose points. Whoever has the most spits and empties their glass first wins. In my transformed state, I was guaranteed first place.
We began spitting at each other and I repeatedly spat in Puspuple's eye, "Ha! Take that, ripoff Pasquale!" I said between spits. Puspuple was filled with a sudden rage and he began spitting at me furiously! He won! I was flabbergasted!
"Colee! You will banished for this loss!" The god of spitting, Spit Man, boomed.
"What?! No!" I shrieked.
Just then, Sapphire and Skittlez entered the Olive Garden and called out in onion, ((I spelt that wrong on purpose hee hee)) "No!!!!!1!!!!"
"Why shan't I?!" The god questioned.
"Colee Magy, or Mary Sue, needs to save the Yote Dimension from the great horror that is The Flying Poop!" Sapph explained.
"Where is Pasquale, the spitting champion?" Spit Man hollered.
"He's up your butt with a coconut!" Skittlez insulted
"Forget Colee's punishment! You're being sent to Yeet Dimension!!!" Spit Man addressed Skittlez.
Skittlez stuck out her tongue and repeated said, "Haha! Pasquale don't trust you! Pasquale don't trust you! Pasquale don't trust you! Pasquale don't trust you!" Until the being teleported himself and her away to the Yeet Dimension.
Sapphire gasped, "Mary Sue! You have to save my sister!"
"Sorry, I'm too busy dabbin with my squad, fam!" Colee Magy, or Mary Sue said, with a dab. And then she went off, squawking and dabbing with her squad.
Sapphire stared at her as she dabbed away, "Well, fine... I guess I'm doing a solo mission..." And with that, she pulled out her sacrificial knife.
YOU ARE READING
The Daily Life Of Colee Magy II
HumorWhat happens when Colee Magy returns to her Daily Life? Things have changed in the world, and she needs to save the world.
