When you touch a butterfly, it's color rubs away-you ruin the butterfly. A butterfly is meant to fly, as is said in the name. It's beautiful and untouched by man. Not domesticated or broken in. A butterfly is beautiful. A butterfly will fly...
Jax i...
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I had an excuse to see him. I had an excuse to go to his apartment and see him. My stomach was filled with butterflies. I grabbed the black cowboy hat that he'd set on my head last night. It had fallen off during one of our moments. I went to the garage but realized that Mom and dad had taken both cars.
I decided to walk and made it to his apartment. I walked up the stairs to his door and lifted my knuckles to knock on his door.
A ruffle of sheets and someone sliding out of the bed. I contained the urge to want to bounce on the balls of my feet. The locks to the door clicked slowly and the door opened.
A woman wrapped in a blanket answered the door. She was beautiful with black and long shining hair that draped over her shoulder. I was dumbstruck, my head cocked to the side.
"Yes?" She asked in a tired voice.
"Jax." My voice was just a breath.
"Uhh...Jax. Someone's here to see you." The woman called and rubbed her eyes.
"Who." His rough and tired voice said not really caring.
"Riley. Give him his hat for me." I said and turned away after handing the hat over. I scuffed down the steps outside and walked along the rode on my way back to the house. A truck tumbled to a start way back behind me but I paid it no mind. That was until said truck sped up and slowed beside me.
"Ya ain't got a ride." Jax stated. I shook my head and kept walking.
"No. Not today." I said shaking my head.
"Hop in. We'll go on somewhere." Jax told me. I shook my head again, turning my head to examine the trees, "C'mom." I stopped along with the truck and shook my head for a third time—this time at myself. I rolled my eyes and got into the passenger seat.
"What about your....." I gestured, without looking at him, towards his apartment at the girl that resides there.
"She'll be out." He said, shrugging a shoulder. I scoffed and ran my hand through my hair, "See I only fuck whores. I also only do one nigh. Sometimes more but I ain't lookin' ta date anyone."
"Yup. Kinda just realized that, yeah.." I nodded my head and sucked on my lower lip in annoyance. My heart rate began to speed up and my breathing hitched. It wasn't anxiety this time. It was rage. Rage at myself. Rage at Jax. Rage at that goddamn girl that had just gotten done with Jax!
We pulled into a bar parking lot, "I'm not old enough." I told him annoyed and tiredly. I rubbed my temples and watched the passing trees as if I could see all the way to the caverns.
"Didn't stop ya at that party." He raised a brow. I kept shaking my head, Sure that I'd soon experience an aneurism if I kept it up. I just couldn't believe I allowed myself to believe that a man like Jax could....
Could what?
Did I ever really believe we'd be anything?
No. I'd been thinking in the moment. I'd been thinking with lust and the now instead of the future, "Let's get a drink." He said opening his squeaky truck door. I watched him walk to the side walk that lead to the front door of the bar before turn and looked over his shoulder, his black hat shielding his face from the sun. I watched him for a moment, head shaking and eyes piercing before I threw my hands up and opened the door to his truck.
Sure, why not drink it up? Give yourself over an over again to a man who wants more than one woman. Why not?
He opened the door and slung his arm around my shoulders. A lot of men greeted him with bro hugs and crap like that. While Jax was chatting with his friends, I sat at the bar and laid my head down.
"What'll it be." A rugged barkeep asked as I lifted my head.
"Don't you need an ID?" I mumbled.
"Nah, we're good here." He scoffed, "You sound like you've had a bad day. It's on the house."
He slid a glass with brown liquid over to me. I swirled the drink around before my mind started begging for something to numb it. I stared at the liquid and downed the whole glass. It didn't burn as bad as last time. I was handed another. I downed it again. The burn became satisfying, a need that needed to be dealt with.
Jax sat next to me and slung his arm around my shoulders again.
"Aye, Jax, my man!" Another hand on hand clap and a bro hug over the bar counter, "This your girl?"
"Temporarily." I mumbled, "He's just gonna fuck me and then he's gone find a new one. Only temporary. I'll be back." I said pushing away from the bar and shoving Jax's arm off of me.
I walked into the bathroom to pee and was met with a slap to the cheek.
"What the hell?!" I snapped at the woman who had slapped me across my goddamn face.
"Stay away from Jax." She said dangerously.
"Or what?" I snapped and cradled my now stinging cheek. There had already been a bruise there and now it was probably worse.
"Stay away from Jax!" She snapped again before strutting from the bathroom. I scoffed and and walked into one of the stalls. I flushed the toilet when I'd finished doing my business and washed my hands before pushing the door to the bathroom open again.
I tilted my head back and sighed through my nose as I saw Jax's lips on the same girl's neck. I downed my third glass of whiskey and slammed it back onto the counter before retreating from the bar. Maybe it was the alcohol buzz or the fact that I'd abandoned Jax at the bar but I'd found a surge of confidence and walked all the way back home.
