Nobody to Love

Kissing and Giving

     Things escalated quickly after we got into our hotel room. We put our bags down, looked around the room, and then the next thing I know is Suga's lips are placed onto mine. We barely talked before we got here but from the way he's kissing me, I can tell he's been wanting to do this for so long – and so have I. Were standing between the two beds, lips locked onto each other, focused on nothing else but being in the moment. With both of his hands, he cupped my face and kissed me. He smiled and couldn't help but kiss me again, and again, and it went on from there. I pulled him closer to me to wrapped my arms around his waist and continued. What started off as slow, loving kisses turned into something with a lot more passion. Each kiss is becoming more intense than the last one and I'm convinced it's going to lead to something more. My hands are underneath his shirt, on his waist, making their way to his back so I can hold him close to me. His arms are hooked around the back of my neck, holding each other so close that there's no space at all between us. His hands slowly slide down at my sides and meet at the bottom of my shirt, he pauses to look at me for permission. I slightly nod, leading him to lift my shirt up and take it off completely, and I do the same for him. Without wasting another second, we immediately go right back into passionately kissing and I'm anxiously running my fingers through his hair. Soft moans escape his mouth as I softly tug on his hair and I feel his nails slightly digging into my back. His lips are soft, his hair is soft, but something else below isn't. His hands slowly trail down from my back and make their way to my waist, sending shivers all over my body. I know he's doing this to get me wanting more, and my god is it working. I push him onto the bed and he has a smirk on his face that's inviting me to continue. I have him pinned down on the bed, but my lips don't meet his. I kiss his neck and his right ear, which makes him softly moan and grip onto my hair. I make my way down to his collarbones, then to his chest, and his stomach, lightly kissing each part of his beautiful body. I put my hands at the zipper of his pants and look up at him for consent. After he nods, I take his pants off and take mine off as well. I kiss him again, intensely, hoping he understands how much I want to be with him. I seriously can't get enough of him and it's only been the beginning. I can't help but tease him a bit by kissing his neck and kissing his left ear, leaving hickies on both sides of his neck. My hands trace the waistband if his boxers and I slide my fingers in at the top to tug on them. I slowly start pulling them down and I look up at Suga again. He hesitates and then nods. I ask if he's sure, and he hesitates again and then nods.
"Are you sure? You hesitated.."
"Yeah.. go ahead."
"Suga, it's okay if you're not comfortable with doing this, I don't -"
"I said it's fine!" It surprised me when he raised his voice at me, I just stared back at him wide-eyed. "Shit, I'm sorry. Damn it, damn it, damn it. It's my fault again, I'm being a cockblock to you and myself."
"Suga, breathe. Relax a little bit, you're fine." I hand him back his pants and shirt, and he places his shirt over his area. I turn to sit down on the bed across but he grabs onto my arm and guides me to sit next to him on the same bed. He places his left hand on my inner thigh and his right hand holds onto my hand.
"I'm sorry, Daichi, but I don't want do.. you know.. 'that' tonight. It's just, a lot has been going on. Where do I even start? Hmm, let's start with an explanation as to why we're even in this hotel room right now.. I needed a little get away from work and I just wanted to be with you. But I couldn't wait till tomorrow or a week from now, I just needed to get up and go. It was rude of me to ask you on the spot to just come with me for the night but please know I'm extremely grateful that you did."
"Of course, Suga. I mean, after seeing how you jumped onto me before I could even greet you, meant that whatever you came to me for was going to be important."
"Oh god, now I'm embarrassed! Sorry about doing that, by the way." He quickly covered his blushing face with his hands. I took his hands and moved them away from his face, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Don't be embarrassed, Suga. It's fine. But one question: how is the explanation you gave me the answer to why we stopped doing what we were about to do earlier?"
"I brought you here knowing I was going to tell you some important things about my job and why I even needed a 'get away' and other shitty boss related stuff. But I thought I can do that after we, you know, did 'that'. I don't know, I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I thought I wanted to do it tonight but my mind is another place and I'm just too bothered right now to do anything like that at the moment. I'm sorry, Daichi. I know you said it's fine but I feel like an asshole right now. I bring you to this hotel, back out right before we have sex, dump all this sad stuff onto you, and I'm not able to give you anything, but you ignore that and keep giving."

Suga. He's so beautiful. He's so kind. He makes me blush. He makes me smile. He makes me excited for the end of the day because it means I get to see him. He makes me so eager to meet up again. He gives exciting nights. He gives me flirty words. He gives me fantastic dates to go on with him. He gives me kisses. He makes me day dream at work. He gives me great friends. He gives, and gives, and gives. And I have nothing in return. But why does he feel like he doesn't give me anything, when he's actually given me more than I could ever deserve.