Can you fix my heart? 💙ChaeLisa💜

Seventeen💔

I love her for what she has dared to be, for her hardness, her cruelty, her egoism, her perverseness, her demoniac destructiveness. She would crush me to ashes without hesitation. She is a personality created to the limit. I worship her courage to hurt, and I am willing to be sacrificed to it. She will add the sum of me to her. She will be June plus all that I contain."

-Anais Nin

"I have a party to attend today with Sorn. I'll be home late"

With Sorn. I've gotten used to it.

"Can I go with you, love?" I saw her shocked expression.

"No, it's exclusive for elle models only and I need Sorn there to take photos of me."

"I can do that, love. Remember when I used to take your photos? You said that I always capture the best pictures." I insisted because I really missed her and I wanted to have some quality time with her.

"Yes you do. But Sorn is a professional and you're not. Stop being pushy, Chaeyoung."

Yep, she doesn't call me baby anymore. She just simply adress me as Chaeyoung.

"I'm going now."

"Wait, love. Can you give me a hug?" I asked. That's all I wanted, to feel her warmth.

"I'm going to be late." I didn't mind what she said but I run towards her and gave her a hug. I missed her so much, I just felt the tears began to well up.

"Good luck on the party, don't get drunk, love"

I made myself busy. I cleaned our house, read books but no matter what I do, I always end up overthinking. She suddenly changed, it was like my presence suffocates her, she's cold now. I kept on thinking what did I do? Did she realize that I am really annoying? Boring? And good for nothing? That's why it was so easy for her to set me aside.

I glanced at the clock at it's already 11 pm, it's getting late and she's still not here. I decided to take a bath to clear my thoughts, listened to music because it is what helps me to keep calm. I stayed there for about an hour, it was so relaxing.

I went to the kitchen and ate my dinner. It feels different when she's not here. I feel empty. Tears began to fall down, I remember our sweet moments, how she promised that she'll stay no matter what happened and right now, I'm scared. I'm afraid that she already changed her mind. I can feel it.

I woke up when I heard noises coming from the outside. Then Lisa suddenly opened the door. I checked my phone and it's already 3am.

"You're here, love. Have you eaten already?" I asked

"Why did you sleep on the sofa?" She asked coldly. She was drunk but not pretty drunk and her speech was a little slurry.

"I was waiting for you, didn't know I fell asleep."

"told you I will be home late *hik* you shouldn't have waited for me."

"But I want to, love." I hold her hand and made our way to our room. I laid her on our bed and get small towel on my cabinet. I wiped her body with warm water, when I was satisfied, I changed her clothes. I was about to go outside when I heard her

"Sorn, I love you.... don't leave me" With that, you smiled. 6 fucking words and I felt my whole being crashing down. I knew it but I was too in denial. I felt my heart's heaviness. I am hurt. It's like my body was thrown away to the ocean. I felt cold. I knew right there that I've lost you but I have to fight for you. It's my promise.

The next day, 11am

I texted Lisa's manager to get Sorn's number and address. At first, I was hesitant to ask because she might not give it to me because of privacy and she might told Lisa about it but I tried my luck and decided to text her. Luckily, she gave it to me.

I went to Sorn's apartment and rang the doorbell for like 3 times and I can saw her shocked expression. I smiled, and when she seemed to grasp why I was here, she asked me to go inside.

"What do you want to drink, Rosie?" She asked.

"No, don't bother. I won't stay here for too long, Sorn" she can't look at me straight in the eyes. It's like she was that 4-year-old kid who broke her mom's favorite vase and didn't want to admit it was her fault. So she just stood there looking guilty.

"I just wanted to ask something and I hope you answer it as truthfully as you can" I said. I tightened my grip on my bag. "What's with you and Lisa? Are you together now?" I have the courage to ask. She looked at me and

"No, we're friends." I sighed in relief but then she added "but I have to admit that I love her, you said you wanted me to be honest with you, there, I said it, I'm in love with Lisa." Tears began to fall, I can't help it. I wanted to slap her real hard and pull her hair but I need to control myself.

"Sorn, please don't take her away from me."

"I really can't promise that. I love her, Rosie. I'm sorry but I fell in love with her."

"She's my everything. I really can't imagine life without her. Don't take her away from me, please" I said, no scratch that I'm begging her. I was so desperate, I felt so little but I really don't care, my love for Lisa is bigger than my ego. I can't lose her.

"I think, I just did."

It seems too much to take in, I ran outside her apartment and went straight to my car. There, I broke down. They do love each other and it feels like I'm the one who's hindering them. I felt hopeless and pathetic.

"5 more days, Chae. 5 more days." I told myself