Can you fix my heart? 💙ChaeLisa💜

Day Two: Tuesday💔

"Words don't have the power to hurt you, unless the person who says those words means a lot to you."

I woke up just as my alarm was going off.

I got up and took a bath. I looked at the mirror and saw my reflection. I look pathetic. I tried concealing my swollen eyes but it is as stubborn as me. I put on eye make up to cover it and thankfully, it works.

I peeked inside Lisa's room and saw she's still sleeping, I walked towards her and kissed her forehead. I noticed that our picture on the bedside table wasn't there anymore. I pulled the drawer and saw it there, she hid it, she doesn't want to remember what we had. After a while I went to the kitchen. I have a photoshoot at 8am with Ceci. I still have time to prepare Lisa's breakfast.

I decided to cook spicy stewed fish, strip kimchi, vegetable omelette and Korean coleslaw.

Love,

I made you a breakfast. Please eat. I'll be home before 9pm. Message me if you want something. Take care wherever you go today. I love you so much.

-Rosie

I was so tired. I'm physically and emotionally drained but I have to keep going. Luckily, the photoshoot went well and I went home earlier as expected. As I made my way to the parking lot, I saw her car parked nearby and she's with Sorn.

I saw her, it's been a while since the last time I saw her smile. She didn't saw me but I saw how she kissed Sorn's cheek. They stared at each other as if they were the only ones in this world. How fucking sweet. While I was here looking at them, I can slap their faces for all I care but I know it won't do anything good. Lisa went straight to the elevator and I just waited for the bitch's car to pass. After a while, I followed Lisa. I opened the door and she seemed shock when she saw me.

"Where have you been?" She asked. Didn't she read the note that I left earlier? Oh well, like she cares. It's been a while since she started a conversation. I should be happy but I don't. I'm not in the mood for pretending today.

"How about you? Where have you been?" I finally asked.

"None of your business" she coldly replied.

"It's still part of my business. I'm still your girlfriend, Lisa" I said, she just stare at me and smirked. Was that an insult? I heard you slammed the door. Why is she treating me his way? I followed her inside and I hugged her.

"I just wanted to give you energy, love. I hope you don't mind" I said, she break away from my hug and pushed me away.

"I don't need it, Chaeyoung. It doesn't help, I still feel tired." I remember before when I used to give her my power hug, she gladly accepts but right now she thinks of it as nonsense. I miss the old, Lisa. Please take her back.😭 just when I thought my heart's broken, she said..

"You don't matter to me anymore." Fuck this feeling.

9pm

I wasn't feeling very well, I checked my temp and it spiked up to 39°C, I got up and still cooked her favorite food, Gamjatang. She's currently in the living room, watching TV.

"Love? Let's eat." I said when I sat beside her. I really feel stupid when I call her love, I mean, it's obvious that it's over for her but no matter how foolish I think it is, it was a grear reminder that she was once mine.

"No, thank you." Her voice was a little calmer now.

"Just try one, love? Please?" I pleaded and she gets a spoonful and tasted it.

"How's the taste?" I asked looking hopeful

"Plain, boring. Bland. Don't ever cook that again, that's the worst gamjatang I've ever tasted." With that, she pushed the bowl, I was caught off guard and the bowl slipped through my hand and the soup spilled all over me. I cried not because of the physical pain but how broken I am emotionally. I didn't know what to do, it felt like she stabbed me on my chest. How can she be so heartless? I went inside my room, took a bath to clear my thoughts but unfortunately, it wasn't working.

I decided to walk outside, I needed to stay away from home. My sadness and anxiety is succumbing me and I felt suffocated. I am asking myself why did it happen? Did I lack something? Is there something wrong with me? Am I really not enough for her to stay? But then it hit me that she just fall out. She just woke up and realized tha she doesn't love me anymore, it's like her love vanished into thin air. I mean I was blown away by how sudden her feelings changed. How sudden it was all. And at the same time, I was overwhelmed by the pain, it was all new to me. We were okay and so in love and next thing I knew, she loves someone else and I hit the rock bottom so hard.
I was in my deep thoughts when it rained. I let the rain embrace me, it was so cold but I didn't care, nothing's more colder than a heart whose trying to drown you. I just cried because no one can see my sorrow.

What's the hardest part when a person suddenly changed? you grieved for the person who's still alive. You wake up every single day and the reminder of pain is still there. You try to make yourself happy but at the end of the day, the reality will hit you hard, like a 16-wheeler truck, that you have to instill your mind that the person no longer loves you, that no matter how much you make yourself believe that she loves you, she never will. Because if she really did love me, how can she easily replace me? I felt like I'm just a food that she no longer wants, like "yeah, you taste awful to me now and I don't really like you so you belong to trash and I'm just going to try another one." That's how I felt, a trash

They say everyday it gets harder, It's like I'm drowning and I can't get out. They say it won't hurt anymore, it will stop hurting but each day that passes by, I still find myself crying and hurting. I wonder when will it stop. I just wanted to be happy again. Everyone says that it will going to be okay, it will get easier but why do I feel otherwise?