Can you fix my heart? 💙ChaeLisa💜

Twenty-Nine

"Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together."

" I'm sorry but I no longer want you back."

That's the most fucked up lie that I have to say. I broke down in tears but I don't want her to see me crying so I began to walk away. Regret took over my body when I saw her weeping on her knees. I wanted to run to her and told her that it was all a lie but I have to be strong. For myself.

I'm currently drinking my milk at the kitchen island. What happened yesterday keeps bugging me. It keeps replaying on my mind like a broken record.

"Can't sleep yet? It's already past midnight"

"Ma,You scared me!"

"What's bothering you, my princess?"

"It's nothing."

"You can't lie to me, dear. I'm your mom. I know everything about you and I can tell if you're telling the truth or not. So spill the tea while it's hot" She giggled. Is she being serious right now? Where did she get that from?

I drank my milk before talking. Well, there's no point in lying anyway and besides, she's the one who can always understand me more than anyone else.

"I saw her at the park yesterday." I didn't bother to look at my mom but I can already feel my tears ready to run down.

"Uh, I see. So what did you feel when you saw her?" Mom sat beside me and from my peripheral view, she's staring at me. I can't look at her, not when I can already feel my tears.

"I won't deny the fact that I felt happy when I saw her. I've been longing to see her, mom. I've been yearning for her."

"If that is so, then why does you face looked like someone died?" She chuckled. My mom sure knows how to tease me.

"She indirectly told me that she wanted me back."

"Is that a problem you say? I can't see what's wrong with that?"

"The whole point is, I find it ridiculous. I don't get it, mom  she made me feel unwanted. She made me feel lik she doesn't love me anymore and now what? She came back like nothing happened."

"That's called repentance, dear. Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone is willing to emend it. I can see that Lisa is genuinely sorry for what she did." Wait. What did I missed?

"How can you tell? What did you know, mom?" She just smiled at me and hold my hand.

"I guess it's about time for you to know." Now, I'm so puzzled.

"Time to know what?" I raised my eyebrows.

"That for the past 2 years, she's been trying to win you back. Eversince you left her, she didn't lose her hope. Even Jennie and Jisoo were so amazed by her patience, she's been going to their house trying her luck to see you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" That's quite a revelation but why did she do that? I don't want to assume and expect that she still loves me.

"I know that you're still healing and you need more time to think things through. I don't want you to go back to her when you're still hurt and bruised, it won't end well, baby. And it was your dad's idea to test Lisa, how much her patience can take her and I guess it's rightful to say that she passed. I have to admit that I hate her for what she did to you but I had a changed of heart when I saw her stoicism, she never get impatient nor complained even if she was hurting. Imagine for 2 years, it's no joke, dear. Lisa's quite impressive " I was shocked by my mom's confession. They're so protective of me but still supportive.

"But I'm still afraid. What if she hurts me again?" I hugged her as if acquiring her energy.

"Rosie. Life is full of uncertainties. You have to take risk. Ask yourself if Lisa was worth every pain that you've dealt with "

"But I already told her that I don't want her in my life. That I no longer want her back. Tell me I did the right thing,mom" I began to cry in her arms.

"I completely understand you, dear. I've been there, done that. When your dad cheated on me, I built my walls again, higher than my pride. I told myself that I don't need him, that I will not allow him to knock me down but look at us, we still love each other. We're a living proof that love will always prevail."

"But she hurt me. I gave her everything I could offer yet she made me feel futile and undeserving of her love."

"I already told you that people make mistakes, dear. Maybe she did that because she felt like it was what she needed at that time. I may not know what her reasons were but what matter's most is now."

"Mom, what you are saying is a moral justification. No matter how much you rationalize it, that doesn't change the fact that she inflicted me so much pain." I became hysterical, unconsciously raised my voice.

"I'm not trying to argue with you, Rosie. All I'm saying is you have to let go all those pain to start anew. You'll never know what love can offer you if you're still holding back yourself."

"I already forgave her."

"Do you really? Or you're just making yourself believe that you already forgave her. Go deny all you want but your words and actions tell me otherwise."

"I still love her but I'm scared." I buried my face on may palm.

"Even if you don't tell me, I know you do. Remember that when people make mistakes, there are only 3 things to do about it, admit it, learn from it and don't repeat it. She already did the the two, and it's your job to find out if she won't do it again if you give her a chance. Take risk, dear or you'll spend your whole life thinking and regretting that you didn't"

I can't find the words to say. Why do I always feel speechless?

"You once amazed me with your maturity, you believed that love isn't about reciprocation of feelings, that it is about accepting the love that they can give no matter how little it is. You're heart is gold, baby. No doubt about that and I'm sure you'll find it in your heart to forgive her." Mom hugged me and kissed my forehead.

"Take this. I hope you can find the answers to all your questions. Storage room on the left. I'm sorry it took me a while to gave it to you but I know you're ready. I love you, dear. You deserve to be happy" she left me dumbfounded.

As soon as she went upstairs, I did what she told me. I stopped in front of the storage room. It's the room that mom's been telling me not to open for years and now she handed me the key to it. I have so many emotions but mostly, fear is taking over me. I gathered all my courage and opened it.

"Holy guacamole." And there's an ocean of tears escaped from my eyes