Can you fix my heart? 💙ChaeLisa💜

Day Four: Thursday💔

"I realize that sometimes love brings you flowers
Then it builds you coffins. And far too often, We end up falling to our demise"

I was wiping the table when Lisa went out of our room. I saw she was dressed. She look even more hot.

"Where are you going love?" I asked.

"Going out" She plainly said. At least she answered my question.

"With whom, love?" I asked

"Why do you have to know?" She hissed

"Can you just stay here love? I mean you went out yesterday, I'm just hoping that it will be a day for us." I said looking down.

"I can't. I already promised to them." With that, she left our house and I can feel my eyes water.

I entered our room and I noticed that our photo beside the table is missing, I opened the drawer and it was there. She hid it. I was about to head out when her phone rang, she forgot her phone, I was having second thoughts if whether I should answer it or not, good thing it stopped ringing. I decided to open her phone and went to her inbox and there I saw a message that broke my heart.

Wifey Sorn:

Babe, I'm on my way, wait for me at the parking lot. I love you so much.

I remember when she had a slip-of-the-tongue, she called me babe, she was thinking about Sorn.
It was a lot to take in, I have so many questions on my mind but there were no answers. It's been months when she suddenly changed and I'm still hurting, it doesn't seem to go away. I feel hopeless, and dead inside. I'm so tired, it's like my body wanted to rest.. just then, I saw blade, it's like there's a voice in me that says I should cut myself. And I was willing to oblige, I closed my eyes and felt the coldness of the blade. I was about to do it when the doorbell rang. I opened my eyes and cried out. What was I thinking? I was about to kill myself. I quickly stood up and opened the door. Our eyes met but I looked away, I don't want her to see me crying.

"Are you crying?" She asked. I don't know if I was imagining but there seems to be a hint of concern in her voice. I'm not in the mood to answer nor pretend that I'm okay. I just went inside my room and sobbed. "It will be over tomorrow" I thought. As much as I wanted to fight for her, it's clear to me that she doesn't wanted to be saved nor saved our relationship. How can she do that? How can she feel okay knowing she destroyed me.

I decided that I needed to catch some fresh air. I saw her standing as if she's waiting for me. Why is she still here?
"I'll just go outside" I said and doesn't bother to look at her. I didn't wait for her reply, I went out and let my feet wander and it lead me in front of the church, it's been a while, I went inside, lit candles and give thanks to the Lord. It was also a time for me to cry my heart out. It's been a few months of pure hell and I even questioned Him why did it happen? Then, I realized that maybe God wants me to be stronger, that I still have a purpose. I went out and I don't know why but my feet took me to an orphanage. It's the same orphanage where I decided to donate under her name. I was contemplating if I should go inside when a little girl came running to me and hugged me.

"Mommy" she said while crying. I just let her cry and when she calmed down, I asked her..

"Hi! You look so cute, what's your name, baby?"

"Lily" and then she hugged me again. One thing I noticed about her is that she looked exactly like my Lisa. the younger Lisa.

"Lily, what are you doing here?" Sister Martha asked, she looked at me and said "Hi, Chaeyoung! It was nice to see you again. Is Lily bothering you?"

"Oh no, she's not Sister Martha. She looks cute." I said

"She is but she always cry looking for her mother." That made me curious. I wonder what happened.

"She's 4 years old and her mother died last year and she was brought here by a stranger." Sister Martha said as if she read what I wad thinking. Then a sudden thought came to me.

"Is there a way that I can adopt her?" I asked. I badly wanted to keep her, to protect her. I looked at Sister Martha and mentally do a cross-finger, waiting for her answer makes me anxious.

"Yes, you can adopt her but it's a long process, Chae."

"Im determined to keep her. I'll do whatever it takes to be her mother." I said and I saw Sister Martha smiling at me.

"She sure will have the best mother, Chae." Sister Martha said and I smiled at her.

"Wait for me baby, Lily. Don't be sad, okay? Mommy's going to get you. I promise, I'll come back" I kissed her forehead and saw her smile, she indeed have the same smile as Lisa's.

"I'll wait for you, mommy. Don't be sad too" She kissed my cheeks. How did she know that I was sad?

A while ago I felt hopeless and was going to end my life but it's like God gave me instantly the purpose of my life. He gave me Lily and she's enough reason for me to continue breathing. And right there and then, I found my seed of hope.