Divorce

∞ of Fifteen

(February 12, 2015)

   Pain.

   Pain is not a feeling. It is a disease. A disease that one is born with.

   It is in your toes, it grows from root to shoot and I believe, it belongs to itself.

   It is an overwhelming feeling. It is like a drug. It eats you up, but when you feel it, you cannot deny it. The pain that one feels is the pain that one denies and one denies something that they cannot handle.

   It starts from the day you learn how to walk, you are born with this disease and you carry it with you all along. It spreads through your legs once you've learned how to walk and you always complain about the pain, or you always deny it.

   You have learned how to walk after you were born and you will learn how to walk before you die. The disease will not stop you from doing so, but it will make sure you feel it.

   You do not feel pain because you are hurt, but you feel it because it is in you.

   Pain is cruel, demanding and deniable, but it is never non-existent. It is horrifying, but beautiful. It is a drug, but it cannot stop one from taking it. It cannot be cured, but it can be embraced into for a long while. It can kill, but one can learn to live with it, by carrying it on your shoulders like your own soul.

   You carry the pain with you everyday, everywhere.

   For the screams that were never heard and the silence that shattered windows, I raise this glass of wine, vodka or whatever the hell it is, be it pain I am chugging. I raise this glass for the life that I will never have, for I will live it after this earth collapses.

   I was in the kitchen. There was simply no excuse I could give Jeremy of why I am drunk when he comes to the door. I only believe if he asks, I could tell him it was because the airplanes could fly and I have no idea how they do.

   They probably weigh a ton and I don't, I still cannot fly. Why cannot I fly?

   I don't even know why a guy called Jeremy would come to my house, I just know that he should. Is he even nice? What am I saying?

(Jeremy's Point Of View)

   "Patty cake patty cake wiiiiiith no hands. Got me in this club making wedding plansss, yeah. If I take pictures while you do your daaance. I can make you famous on Instagram. Hot damnnnn it, ooh!" I heard Cassidys voice, booming out the house's door.

   Her horrible voice echoed down the neighborhood and I was worried someone would start calling the police. She was a pathetic singer, but I loved her anyway and if that made her happy then so be it.

   What I wasn't expecting is that when I enter my very own home, I would find Cass standing on the kitchen counter singing Jason Derulo's Wiggle whilst stripping.

   She was reaching for the clasp at the back of her navy blue bra that covered her full breasts and it took everything in me to pull her off that desk and make her stop whatever she was planning.

   I walked over to her and her bright blue eyes widened, her small lips parting. I grabbed her by her thighs and placed her down on the floor.

   "You must be Jeremy!" she exclaimed happily, her voice too slow and her eyes red, brimming with happy tears as she shook me hand and it took me a moment to compromise.

   She was drunk.

   A drunk Cassidy was never good in any situation.

    "You know?" she asked, "You look exactly like my husband!" she winked.