We were reckless.
How did we get from kissing to you pinning me to the wall to us both on the floor in a tangle of limbs?
We made an explosion that day, Park Jimin.
And now, we are suffering the consequences of it.
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You were scared for me when I turned up again with dark circles forming under my eyes. You were even more scared when I was attacked my nausea and had to sit in front of the toilet dry heaving for an hour.
I felt so weak.
I was weak.
I am weak.
I felt disgusted at myself and felt so helpless. I couldn't believe you were still there the whole time, holding my shaking shoulders steadily as my body became wracked with spasms.
When they finally subsided, I looked like a vampire with ghostly pale skin.
My skin in total was turning a yellow hue. A symptom of the cancer, the doctors said.
They were still frantically trying to find a right donor.
When I took a shuddering breath I turned to you, tears burning in the back of my eyes. "Why are you still here, Jimin?" I asked hoarsely.
You gently took a damp towel and wiped the sweat from my brow. "I said I wouldn't leave you," you replied simply.
"My dad came back. And then he left."
You paused ever so slightly before resuming wiping my forehead. "Forget him if he's a cause of your pain."
"I love him, but I don't." I slumped on the floor of the cold bathroom. "He doesn't love me."
"Somewhere deep in him, he does," you said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "If he hated you, then he wouldn't have come back at all."
"I hate myself," the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.
You just gazed at me with an unreadable aura, though your tone had taken a chilly turn. "Don't say that."
"I'm going to die," I muttered.
You took my chin in your hands gruffly and jerked my head up so I met your eyes. "You may die, you may not. Life is filled with surprises and it throws lots of junk in your direction. But it's your decision whether to dance around those obstacles or whether you'll get hit."
My body shuddered.
I don't know if it was because of you, or if it was because of the disease.
"Take my hand, and let me help you dance," you said and I remembered the day in the dance studio. When you moved so gracefully upon the dance floor. "Let me help you dodge those obstacles."
