Days had passed. And yet it still feels like it was yesterday. I still feel the gentleness of his touch. The tenderness of his embrace. And the compassion of his lips claiming mine. Everything led me to this confusion. When you’re in that scenario, it’s hard to conceal your true feelings. He can’t deny it anymore. I felt it. I know it’s real. It’s there.
But…. Then again, he’s intoxicated. Could the alcohol be over his head? Outside within his consciousness? Just when I was ready to accept the fact that we can never cross that line, he does this thing that makes me second guess all my choices. Seriously Xian? Are you playing me like a fool? Cause if you are. Good job! You’ve succeeded. I am foolishly falling for you. But I have to push aside all those feelings because I know where I stand. I can’t lose myself in these emotions. And I can’t afford to have my heart broken, yet again.
FRIENDS.
That’s all we can be.
That’s all we should be.
That’s what we are.
Everything went back to what used to be. Although, we still haven’t talked about the kiss. Honestly, I think we should leave it that way. Nothing happened. He seems to have thought of the same thing anyways. I still can’t deny the gap formed between us. We seldom see or talk to each other. But he always makes time for our breakfast dates which definitely makes me glad. That’s one thing I don’t want to lose. That’s “our thing”. I remember him saying that to me one morning while he was teaching me flip pancakes.
“Look. Ganito lang naman eh.” He then lifted the frying pan. In once swift motion he tossed and caught the pancake thus flipping it over.
“See. Easy as pie.” He grinned widely. “Oh ikaw naman Mimay.”
“Ha? Eh bakit ko ba kasi kelan i-flip pa ng ganyan-ganyan. Pwede ko naman gamitan nito.” I held up the turnover. “Ang arte arte mo naman kasi.”
He laughed at my comment. “Sige na. Try mo lang. Madali lang naman.” He handed me the pan. I took it. “Go try it!”
“Oo na. I’ll try it na. Kulit mo rin talaga.” I said and stuck out my tongue.
First attempt. Fail. The pancake landed on the counter. Second. Fail. Third. Fail again. On the fourth attempt. “Ayaw ko na! Hindi ko talaga kaya.”
“Nagmamadali ka kasi masyado.” He held my hand that was holding the pan. “Take it easy. One. Two. Three.” Then there it goes. I flipped a pancake!
“Yey! Ang galing ko! Hahaha” I was jumping and clapping my hands like a little kid.
“I told you can do it.”
“With your help nga lang. Next time I want to try it by myself.”
“We’ll have a battle next time. Pancake flipping contest. Haha. So you better practice.” I was laughing so hard. Then he continued. “I like this.”
“Like what? Pancakes.” I asked.
“This! Cooking. Our breakfasts.”
“Hay Xian. Gutom lang yan. Halika na kain na tayo.” I said grabbing his arm, pulling him to the table. He resisted my pull. So I stopped walking and faced him. He was smiling.
“Don’t you like this? Basta for me, THIS IS OUR THING! Only ours ha.” then he finally walked towards the table pulling me in the process.
Well, it did make me feel all giddy when he said that. Because I totally feel the same. Our breakfast dates, those are special for me. Something only he and I could ever share. So yes Bechay is right. I can’t not have him in my life. Whatever we have is something I cannot let go of.
I always play these roles in the movies. The more-than-a-friend-but-never-the-lover. Ironic right? Maybe this time I’ll be awarded with the best actress trophy. Only that, I’m not acting. There are no scripts, no cameras rolling. Just me.. Being a MARTYR. Do I hear the applause? Oh well! At least at the end of the day I’m happy. I’m contended. Di ba yun naman ang importante?
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A/N
sorry kung short lang yung update. hope you all like it.
less than three <3
-xoxo
