Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder

NOTE: I never intended to "finish" this book. There is no finish. I am trapped in a cycle of happiness and sadness, all intertwined with my daydreams. I rarely log on here but I have edited what has already been written (since I've grown up a bit since first launching this and felt the need to correct my melodrama and stupidity, but most of this still holds true), and will leave this for you all, to read and know that you're not alone. Thank you all for your ongoing lovely comments, it's wonderful to see that years after I first wrote this (out of preteen self-pity more than anything) people still find it helpful. Much love, always.

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Hi, I'm Holly and I am a Maladaptive Daydreamer. If you're going to bore yourself silly reading my "diary" if you like, you might as well get to know me and my disorder first.

I'm from the United Kingdom. I have been Maladaptive Daydreaming for as long as I can remember. The scenarios I create are always when I'm lying in bed. I act them out, I talk to myself, and I think about them and make them up mentally during the day too, almost in preparation for the "final performance just for me" at night time.

You don't have to read this by the way. You can get onto the entries if you want, this is just kinda a background of who I am, what I do and what MDD is. But yeah. It's here if you want it.

I've come to the conclusion my MDD (shorten it to that, it's easier that way) helps me cope with the sad realisations my life won't be as good as what I imagine in some ways, but in other ways it makes me deeply sad. I'm here to express myself and open your eyes to the damage and help Maladaptive Daydreaming causes and does to me. I can't tell anyone about this, no way. Never. People notice I'm sadder than I used to be, but I don't think they care. Strangely I'm so deeply sad, but enlightened and quite in awe of what I can conjure. This condition has gone on for so long. My story is far too complex to ever put into words properly, but I am trying.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Definition

Go ahead, read it up on Wikipedia. But if you want a first-hand opinion and definition of what MDD is really like, keep on reading.

Okay, so MDD is this thing, condition, if you like, where you daydream or fantasize to a great extent. Like, every day. For a long time. Sometimes, you do it without noticing. Everyone who does it does it differently, like I said above I do it in bed mostly - that's where I act it out most. But I often trance off during the day, class maybe, without realising. So because everyone is different, there's a whole list of symptoms, things you might do while MDD'ing, why you might have started doing it in the first place. Some of the symptoms include {anything I have is in bold btw} obsessive and/or compulsive behaviour, depression, frequent mood swings, anxiety, emotions towards characters in daydreams (laughing, crying...), decreased school performance, depersonalization, emotional attachment to characters.

Most daydreams often have a story/movie like plot, that are sometimes ongoing and hard to push out of your head, therefore, if you're like me, you repeat the same one over and over. Just because you love it so much. Music and TV/movies are a big trigger for me, they put ideas for more scenarios in my head.