Holding back

The trashed book

"Angie, Vilu made breakfast for us." I shouted from the other side of Angie's door. But there was no reply. I knocked again, only louder. "Angie!" I shouted.

I was starting to worry a little bit so I just let myself in. I stood before the bed, watching over her as she lay there with her earphones in. She looked so peaceful, the happiest I'd seen her for a while.

Then something else caught my eye. The book she asked for lay across the floor, like it had been thrown. Pages were torn out and it looked old and tatty. The last time I saw it, it was pristine, not a single page was ruined. It looked like a completely different book.

I slowly turned back around to where Angie lay and sat on the edge of the bed. "Angie." I said as I gave her a little nudge. She jumped up and pulled out her earphones.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you jump, I just saw that your earphones were in and thought you were awake."

"I sleep with my earphones in. It's the only way I fall asleep. I've not been sleeping great." She replied. I could see that she wasn't sleeping well, her eyes were drooping and she always looked exausted.

"Have you tried sleeping tablets?" I asked, trying to help.

"I've thought about it." She replied.

"Anyway, I'm here because Vilu made us breakfast, she's downstairs waiting."

"I'm not really hungry..." She said as she shifted around in her bed uncomfortably.

"Angie, you have to eat something." I pleaded.

She just looked down at the floor sadly.

"Just a little bit?" I said persuasively. "Please. For me? I promise I'll leave you alone then."

She sighed and reluctantly agreed.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked as we made our way downstairs.

"Nothing." She murmured, not particularly taking any interest in the conversation.

I sat down in the same chair I always sat in and Angie sat across from me.

"Well I was wondering if you'd do me a favour, I gave Ramallo the day off and I really need someone to come with me to the meeting. You'd just have to take notes, that's all."

Angie gave me an uneasy look. "Hmmm I don't know..." She replied after long pause.

"Angie, go, a change of scenery might do you good." Vilu persuaded.

"Well alright..." She replied. She didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"Thank you." I smiled.

She silently put her head down and did her same old routine, moving her food around her plate, not putting the food to her lips once. As she did so my mind started to wonder back to the scene I saw in the bedroom. It looked like she'd taken all her anger out on that poor book. The way it just sat there so lifeless and ill looking. But I didn't understand why. It was her dad's favourite book, well so she said. And from what I understand, they had a great relationship. What would make her do such a thing?

"I'll just go and get dressed. Excuse me." She murmured as she got up and left the table.

She hadn't eaten much again, but I didn't mind as much because she had agreed to come to work with me.

"Dad, whatever you do, don't ask too many questions, don't scare her off. This is the first time we've gotten her to go out properly since she got here. Don't ruin this." Said Vilu sadly.

Since when did my daughter become so wise?

"I won't Vilu. Promise." And with that, I knew that any questions I had about that book, or anything, was out of the question.

***

In the car on the way there, she was pretty quiet, she sat with her earphones in looking out the window. I don't know why, but she looked most peaceful whenever she was listening to music, which I why I cannot understand her choice to quit music.

The meeting went fine, she managed to pay attention and did exactly as she was asked, she even faked a few smiles. People probably couldn't tell they were fake, but I could tell because I've seen her true smile. Her real smile can light up the darkest rooms.

When the meeting was over we walked back to the car in silence.

"I'm starving!" I exclaimed as I got in the car. "Are you hungry?" I asked.

She just shrugged and fiddled around with her earphones.

"Well I think I'm going to call somewhere for some food, would you like to come?" I guess I really just wanted to spend some quality time with her.

"I have no money." She replied.

"Well don't be silly! I'll pay!" I laughed.

"Thanks." She murmured. She put her earphones in and sat back in her chair, just looking out the window.

I decided to stop at this new Italian restaurant that had just opened up.