Holding back

The bookstore

"So how did you lose the book?" I asked as we approached the book stand. "I only gave it to you yesterday." I added.

She stood looking at the books. "I erm..." She walked over to a different book stand. "I just lost it."

I slowly walked over to where she was stood. "Angie, I saw the book."

"Well of course you did, it was on your bookshelf. You were reading it." she replied obliviously, as she continued to search through all the books.

I wasn't sure if she was pretending to not know what I meant, or if she was genuine.

"Ahh, here it is!" She said. She picked the book up and started to walk away. I grabbed her arm and spun her round to face me.

"German! What are you doing?!" She said shouted. she sounded very shocked. I was shocked by my actions too.

"Shhhh!" whispered one of the  people that worked there.

"sorry, I'm sorry!" I replied.

Angie just stood staring at me, waiting for an explination, part of me thought, why should I? She hasn't given me an explanation. But a bigger part of me knew that I had to tell her that I know about the book.

"I saw the book on your bedroom floor ripped to pieces." I confessed. "Why would you do that Angie?" I added, in a softer tone.

Her facial expression dropped.

"German, I don't know what you're talking about." she snapped. She tried to escape, but I pulled her even closer towards me, our faces were nearly touching.

"Angie..." I whispered, "you don't have to pretend with me... I can help you. Just... just tell me why you did it..." I used a patronising voice that I wouldn't even use on Violetta, but I don't think she noticed, as she didn't mention it.

"I did it because..." She clung the book tightly to her chest like she was nervous, or scared, or both.

"Because..." I asked. I carefully tucked a piece of hair that had fallen over her face back behind her ear. She flinched when I did this and that shocked me. Did she think I was going to hurt her? I would never do that...

"I did it because... it was his favourite." She whispered, looking down at the floor, as she did so, the piece of hair I so carefully placed behind her ear fell back over her face.

"Yes, it was your fathers favourite, which is why I don't understand why you did it." I replied knowingly.

"Not my fathers favourite. His favourite." She sighed.

"Angie, who?" she didn't reply. "Angie... look at me." I carefully lifted her head with my fingers so she was looking me straight in the eyes.

She didn't reply. She just looked down at the floor again and pulled away from my touch. She slowly walked over to the counter, not looking up once, always looking down at her shoes. Her beautiful brown wedged shoes. I know a lot shoes for a man, thanks to Jade's constant blabbing about them 24/7.

I stood and watched her walk away. His favourite? Who's favourite? Pablo's? Did her and Pablo have a fight? I couldn't think of any other male people that she knew.

We walked back to the car in silence, Angie was clutching the book close to her chest and I didn't understand her. It broke my heart. I like to think that I used to understand Angie, I could read her like a book sometimes. Isn't that ironic?

"Can we go home now?" Asked Angie as she sat in the front seat.

"Of course." I snapped in furstration. I didn't mean to but I was just so annoyed with trying my best and getting nothing in return.

"Why are you snapping?" She asked, she sounded hurt.

"Angie, I didn't mean to, I just hate it when you push me out like this. I want us to be friends. We used to be close, can we be like that again?" I pleaded.

She didn't say anything. She just looked me in the eyes for a second. I tried to read her facial expression, I'd say she looked kind of guilty. Before I got to ask her what was on her mind, she leaned in and slowly put her arm on my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek softly. She ran her fingers across my cheeks and said "alright. You're right. I'll ask Pablo of there's anything going at the studio."

"Really?" I asked excitedly, like a big kid.

She nodded and smiled in return.

I quickly reached over and squeezed her tightly. My hands got tangled in her hair and it felt so soft. It smelt like strawberries, I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses...

"German...hey, German...I...can't...breathe..." She grunted, trying to squirm out of my reach.

"Oh! Sorry!" I quickly said as I sat back in my chair.

"You know what?" She said, turning to face me in her seat "drop me off at the studio?" She smiled.

When we pulled up at the studio, I felt like this was going to be the start of something great. Angie was going to get her job back, she was going to get her life back, she would be happy again. I'm not sure exactly what persuaded her to change her mind about going back, but I wasn't complaining.

"Do you want me to wait?" I asked as she started undoing her seatbelt.

"No, it's alright, you can just drop me off, I'll walk." she replied.

I watched as she got out of the car and made her way to the studio. I really hoped that Pablo would give her a job. He is her best friend, I bet he will. I bet he also knows what's wrong with her, why she's been in such a sad mood.  Maybe I should ask him? I didn't want to, but I wanted to help her, and if she were to go to anyone about something like this, something tells me she would go to Pablo.