Blue ✔ | Pentagon Hui X CLC Sorn

viii

Hwitaek
9:30 PM

Our orders arrived before I could tell Sorn about my reason, so I was relieved.

She grabbed the chopsticks and began eating. I poured her glass some light beer and she poured mine some. We clinked our glasses together. "Think about it," she said. "If you died, you won't be eating this delicious food and this awesome beer right now."

I smiled just a little. "To living."

"Despite our fucked-up lives." She added. We drank.

In the background, the singer is singing a mellow song. Her cool, relaxing voice fits summer night.

It's like I'm the only one
living in a world like this
Just looking at it
without being able to give up
But I live with my heart in pain
It's completely unfair
I can't stand it

When I looked at Sorn across the table, she has this faraway look in her eyes. It's like she's here, but she's not at the same time.

"I feel worthless." I told her.

Her eyes slowly went to me. "What?"

I drank another shot. "That's the reason I did it."

She just kept on looking at me so I continued. Sorn's still a stranger anyway. It wouldn't matter what I tell her tonight.

"Like, life has taken it all from me. Purpose. Dreams. Will to live. Chance." I said shaking my head. "So, I thought, why should I keep living if there's nothing here for me?"

Sorn looked down on her food and stirred it slowly. "But you're here now, so that must be it. Your chance. There must be something out there for you. You just don't know it."

I looked at her intently, placing my elbows on the table. "Haven't you ever thought about it? About ending everything just all at once? Life is pretty exhausting."

She chuckled humorlessly and met my eyes. "I did." She said, "Tonight."