Hamza and Amy's Romantic Journey

Chapter 12

Amy Faber

I didn't know what to do when I saw Jannic. First, I called Hamza. But then Jannic kept banging on the door and I was petrified. A part of me was against calling the police but I wasn't sure why. So out of fear, I called dialled 999 and told them there was a man outside my house banging on the door. After giving the details of my address, I hung up and a I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as if I just did something wrong. I held an agitated Kaiser closer to me, closing my eyes and praying to Allah to protect us.

Soon, I heard Jannic yelling. I peeked through the window to see Hamza standing there, calm but tense. I heard Jannic's accusation towards Hamza, that he took his son. Then I understood why I had that sinking feeling in my stomach earlier. Jannic was making Hamza sound like some sort of kidnapper! If the police came...

What had I done?

While listening to the exchange between the two men, I heard sirens. I rocked back and forth with Kaiser in my arms who was now starting to cry. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I looked out again and this time, Jannic leaned in and said something to Hamza which made Hamza go pale. Jannic smiled smugly as he ran off before the police got to them. 

I sat up and watched as the car stopped by Hamza and the policemen got out and surrounded Hamza. Every part of me wanted to run outside and be by his side, but I couldn't leave Kaiser, nor could I take him out. The whole road probably knew what was going on now. They'd seen me with Kaiser before and I just told them we were babysitting him while my sister was away for her job. That got suspicious looks, and we'd had Kaiser for a good few months now. So it was probable that when they heard Jannic yelling, they put the pieces together. Some of the pieces anyway. What if they saw Kaiser and the police got suspicious and started asking around? And then someone confessed against them to the police? That could happen anyway but I prayed my heart out that it wouldn't

After a short talk with the policemen, Hamza shook their hands and they drove off. Relief flooded through me. Hamza made his way into the house and I ran downstairs. I put Kaiser down on the floor and ran straight to Hamza, putting my arms around him, holding on for dear life. He simply patted my back. Kaiser was whining in the background but I couldn't deal with that now.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Bonnie got freaked out and called the police. They came so bloody quick as well." I stepped back, a guilty look in my eyes. Hamza caught on and stared at me in disbelief. "Tell me it was Bonnie who called the police."

"I was scared. He was banging on the door. I was scared he was gonna break it and come in and take Kaiser." At this point, tears spilt from my eyes and Hamza looked away. I'd never seen Hamza like this, a combination of angry, helpless and... sad. So sad. 

"You're lucky Jannic didn't get us arrested. He could have."

"What did he say to you?" Instead of answering, Hamza walked past me and Kaiser, into the living room and spoke over his shoulder.

"Deal with him first." He pointed at Kaiser.

Kaiser took a few shaky steps towards me. I didn't realise how slow his development was until I compared him to all the babies I knew. At almost one and a half years, he was only just walking. It made me wonder whether he was neglected too. Maybe if the police got involved, it would be a good thing and we'd get to keep Kaiser.

As soon as I picked him up, he stopped whining and wrapped himself around me, head on my shoulder. I carried him to the living room here Hamza sat with his head in his hands. I sat opposite him on the table.

"What did that vile man say?"

"He said if we didn't give Kaiser back to him, he'd report us to the police for kidnapping. Kaiser's going to go back to his parents one way or another. We can't stop it."

"He's bluffing. He could have done that now but he didn't because we've got the upper hand. How would he explain Jasmine's letter? The picture of Kaiser's injury when he came to us? The fact that we've had him for several months now?"

"Don't get too attached to Kaiser because he is going to go back whether we like it or not." Why was Hamza being like this?

"A bit too late for that now," I said, pointing at how Kaiser was comfortably wrapped around me. Hamza rubbed his weary face.

"I can't have this discussion right now." Hamza got up, looking completely shattered, not just in a tired way.

"Hamza, sit back down please," I begged. I didn't know how I was supposed to deal with this unknown version of Hamza.

"I'm going to bed. I'm gonna pray Maghrib and Isha at home today so... just... don't disturb me." The words stung as Hamza left to go upstairs. I laid Kaiser on the sofa and sat down with my head in my hands, palms pressed against my eyes. Then I covered my mouth as a sob escaped. It felt like the world was spinning and everything was getting out of control.

"Ya Allah," I cried. I couldn't say anything else but knew Allah understood my internal struggles. I didn't feel the need to say anything more.

Reluctantly, I left Hamza alone all evening. Hamza placed himself in the guestroom, not even our room. That hurt too.

Once Kaiser was safely sleeping, I had to check on Hamza. I know he told me not to disturb him but my heart ached too much to stay away.

I slowly opened the door to find Hamza lying on his stomach, his face turned away from the door. The lights were switched off but the hallway light illuminated the room well enough for me to see everything. Cautiously, I approached Hamza and sat down. I called him, softly, but with no response. I lay my head against his back, stroking his broad shoulders. I knew he wasn't asleep. I didn't have to look at his face to know. I knew the pattern of his breathing when he slept, and this wasn't it. 

"Talk to me," I said, but there was no response. I pulled myself up to look at his face. His eyes were open. "Hey, Hamja," I poked him but he was still motionless. He blinked, but that was all. I stroked his hair. "Please talk to me." He'd never acted like this before It was killing me to see this.

"Please, Hamza." Now the tears threatened to spill again. I kissed his ear and the side his face. Then I buried my head into his shoulder and began crying again.

"I'm fine, Amy," he finally spoke. I lifted my head up to kiss his cheek again.

"I'm not," I admitted. Neither are you, I thought to myself.

Hamza finally shifted and turned to face me. He pulled me to his chest and just sighed. We stayed like that all night, holding on to each other, something we never did. But tonight it was needed, and we felt comfortable. Neither of us felt too hot or cranky from being in one position too long. It just felt right. Among all the pain, confusion and uncertainty, at least we had each other.