Hamza and Amy's Romantic Journey

Chapter 13

Hamza Dawud

That was probably the most emotionally draining day of my life. A desperate talk with Harris, only to be told again it was impossible to keep Kaiser, seeing Javed, hearing he was going to be a father, seeing Jannic, hearing his threat, talking to the police, having Amy cry on me, the guilt of looking at Kaiser and knowing the doom that awaited him...

My brain felt like it was going to explode. My heart felt heavy. Life had been so easy and so good up until now. I was so ungrateful in my bliss.

I woke up to Kaiser's harmless screams. It was his way of telling us he was awake. Amy's head was tucked under my chin. After we prayed Fajr, we held each other again, wordlessly. It was as if we were desperately trying to hold each other together knowing the other was breaking. I kissed the top of Amy's head before she got out of bed and walked out of the room, barely glancing at me.

I sighed, feeling lonely. I knew that soon, Amy and I were going to clash about Kaiser's future. We'd probably have to force Kaiser away from her. And that would make her distant from me, maybe even hate me. I couldn't give her a baby and I was taking the closest thing she had to one.

It was Monday and I just couldn't bring myself to go to work so I called in sick. Amy came in an hour later, gasping to find me still in bed.

"Hamza!"

"I called in sick," I responded.

"Oh." She paused, then said, "Your breakfast's getting cold."

"I'm not hungry." I felt Amy stand around a little while longer before she walked off again.

I got a phone call and checked my phone to see it was Safia calling me. I ignored it. I didn't want to talk to her right now. She would try to relate and help but she wouldn't be able to relate. The worst thing that ever happened to her was her postnatal depression but even with that, she had fourteen people helping her through it, including Yusuf but excluding all the kids in the family.

Even if fourteen people helped me through this, what about Amy? How were things going to be okay with her? She was far too attached to Kaiser. Why did I let this happen?

Safia called again but I ignored it, again.

Then I got a message. I opened it to see the following,

Hamza, if you see this, please call me. Amy says you're depressed and I'm worried. I can't even imagine you depressed. Call me please!

I knew she could see that I'd read her message, but I couldn't be bothered to reply.

Safia called a third time and this time, I picked up out of irritation.

"I'm fine, now can you leave me alone?"

"Hamza?"

"What?"

"What's wrong? Amy told me you aren't speaking to her properly. Do you want to talk to me or Yusuf?" For some reason, this made me fume.

"Why can't anything stay between a couple in this family? Must everything be announced to everyone? There's no privacy!" I yelled and hung up. I knew Safia was probably crying at my outburst but right now, I just couldn't clear my head enough to care.

Amy came back in, no doubt hearing what I had just said to Safia on the phone. I shot her an accusing glance as I buried my head back in my pillow.

"I'm just really worried. I didn't know what to do so I called Safia for advice," Amy explained herself.

"If you're so worried maybe you should call the police again too." I don't know why I was being horrible. It was like my guilt was spurring me on make me feel even more crap about myself.