one sin.

22) Beware Alone Time

The next morning, I find myself in the back pew, realizing that with every passing Sunday I was finding myself closer and closer to the exit. I fade in and out of consciousness from the back row, my chin eventually dropping into my chest and me being carried away.

"WHO YOU ARE IS A CHOICE!"

I look around, seeing nothing. Not because it's dark. I realize I'm surrounded by fog. 

"EVERYTHING WE DO IS A CHOICE! NOTHING IS COINCIDENTAL! WE CHOOSE TO FOLLOW GOD OR WE DON'T!"

My pastor's voice echoes around me. 

"CHOOSE YE THIS DAY WHO YOU WILL SERVE!"

It's like I'm somewhere between awake and asleep. I take a step forward, and tumble off an apparent cliff I'd been standing on.

I jump, realizing that church is over. I grab my things hurrying back out to my truck, the sermon mostly lost on me.

I whip out of the parking lot, checking my phone. Eleven in the morning. Instead of driving to work or home or anywhere usual, I drive in the other direction. I end up in an unfamiliar part of the city, and against all reason, park, getting out and walking around.

My phone on do not disturb, I walk for a seemingly hours, having no direction and no where to be. My only company is my music. Eventually I get tired of walking and stop at a hipster-isc coffee shop. I order a vanilla lavender macchiato, taking a seat by myself on the patio. I watch others go by. Young couples. College students. Older men and their wives. Mom's and their kids. Happy families. For no reason, I miss Layne. She'd like it here.

The jazzy melody of an old BTS song begins and I find it suiting for the day.

"The thick color of a rainy day in Seoul..."

The song starts and I find myself at ease. No this isn't Seoul. And no it isn't raining. And I'm definitely not a male k-pop idol. But the vibe seems to fit my day overall. As the song progresses, the sky clouds and becomes overcast.

"I can clearly hear the rain hitting the earth
I smile, it's the best background music
Like a crazy guy, I start to hum
I wonder what time it is...."

I finish my coffee and head back to my truck, it suddenly dawning on me that I've been in the city for hours. On the car ride back home, I finally cut my phone back on, finding a few calls from my friends, but nothing having needing my immediate attention.

"The thick color of a rainy day in Seoul
I still can't fall asleep as I fade away
The rain stops and the reflection in the puddle
I see myself looking more miserable today"

Even with the mounting problems in my life, I'm at peace until I finally pull into my driveway, parking and heading into my room.

I take a seat at my desk, logging into my laptop and getting out my homework. I pause on the common essay question, still haunting me. What was something you had to overcome?

There's a knock on the door and I jump. "Kaylie! It's for you!" Mindy calls, clearly having answered the door.

I head to the front of the house, finding Layne in the foyer. She smiles sheepishly when she sees me, "Hey."

"Hey," I push her back outside onto the porch, pulling the door closed behind us, "So you're showing up during the day now?"

"I heard your truck pull up and guessed that you were home," she explains, "Where have you been all day?"

"Just out for a drive," I reply vaguely, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks for last night by the way."