one sin.

51) Beware Forgiveness

I head home feeling like a dog. In all honesty, I probably didn't need to see Layne right at this moment. She deserved the space to process. Space to heal. Space from me, until I learned to stop hurting her. But also--

I want to see Layne, dammit!

I want her in my arms. I want to kiss her. Hold her. Tell her to forgive me. I want her so badly... And yet I don't know how to hold on to her.

I'm victim of a fitful sleep and when I finally wake, it's well past my alarm going off. My house is empty, as usual, and I make the executive decision.

No school for me.

I get up and dressed, going for a run to work off the stress in my body. I run without direction, my sneakers soaking through with dew and puddles. "Fuck!" I misstep, my entire body following the mistake of my one clumsy foot. I jump up, the temperature hitting me now that I'm not moving.

"Are you alright, sister?" I turn to the sound of the voice, belonging to a white man older than my father.

"Fine," I smile.

"Here come inside," he motions to the building behind him. I read the sign. BLESSED MERCY BAPIST CHURCH. "You have to be cold."

I start to say no, but something in me says yes. It's been a while since I've been actually welcomed into a church anyway.

"I'm Matthew," he tells me as I follow him into the church. "Nancy," he calls to an older woman, short and impossibly thin. "Can you get our guest-- uh---"

"Kaylie," I offer. 

"Yes, Kaylie," he smiles, "Can you get her some dry clothes? She took a pretty big tumble outside."

"Of course, Pastor," she turns, heading deeper into the church. I follow her down to the basement, which seems to contain several offices. "Shouldn't you be in school, Kaylie?"

"Technically," I respond more sarcastically than I should, "I mean yes ma'am."

Nancy smiles at me anyway. The basement is dark, aside from flood lights keeping it just above creep level. We stop at a storage closet and she disappears inside. "Here you go. These should fit." She gets me some dry clothes in the form of a baggy grey sweat suit.

"The bathrooms at the end of the hall way here."

"Thank you," I follow her directions, stripping out of my soaked joggers and t-shirt. When I exit the bathroom, Nancy is gone, leaving curiosity to get the best of me. I probably shouldn't but I start peering into some of the offices. For the most part they all look the same, similar to Dr. Harvey's office at school if I'm being honest. 

The last office I check is actually occupied, a sole lamp illuminating the small space. Inside, a woman is listening to what I assume is a podcast of some sort. Something about her is familiar, but I don't know what. That is, until I see those emerald eyes peering back at me. I instantly remember her.

"Sorry," I try to duck out but she sees me.

"No," she calls, "Come in."

Because I've been trained to obey the sound of an adult's voice, I lean back into her office, stepping inside.

"You work in that dinner right?" she clearly remembers me too, "I can see your name on your nametag--- Its letters isn't it?"

"KJ," I remind her, "And you're the grown woman who came onto me."

"I am. But my friends call me Gwen," she chuckles, "And I'm not apologizing for it. Do they just let anyone leave school nowadays?"

"Deepens on if you're willing to skip," I counter, "They just let anyone into ministry, nowadays?"